What are you living for?

Gonna be a sob story. So move away if you want to. You are most welcome.

I remember my prayer yesterday - God i surrender everything to You. Use me as Your vessel even in the hospital... ...

Today I had to break the bad news to a patient that he had advanced cancer. He already suspected post the scan, because he noticed the radiologists were whispering amongst themselves. Then when the report came back late, he accused me of trying to hide his findings. He was adamant about going home TODAY, and din't wana wait another day so we could refer inpatient.

Turns out that he has a wife who is debilitated due to stroke, and a daughter busy working day and night. He was the main caretaker for the wife basically.

After all the huu-haa and the referrals that were unable to be made as the oncall people had their phones off, i sat next to the uncle and asked him how he was feeling,if he was ok.

And then the waterworks started..both his and mine. His more manly tears, barely rolling down his cheeks. He was visibly emotional,and 101 thoughts were running through his mind. Mine were the tears of a fellow human being,and it was as much ad I could do to keep my voice from breaking. I know the neighbouring bed and the other staff were staring and could see my eyes watery and me basically wiping away tears from my tear streaked, red face.

Later on I found out he shared the same faith and had the chance to pray for him. I din't know what to pray for..and in the end I prayed for peace and joy basically. I tried to remind the both of us that through the storm, God is sovereign.

And God is sovereign. When we don't understand the plan, we trust the Hand. Our bodies on earth expire, but in Him we have eternal life forever.

So what are we living for? I don't know about You, but I will live for Him.

And oh, watch what you pray for. He is listening. :)

OFF TAG~~~!

Haha, the happiest thing I'm happy to announce this week: I have officially off tagged! :D

I off tagged on Wednesday, just before my specialist left for a conference / talk. Was planning to off tag the day before, but I was stuck in a procedure (pleural tap) when my specialist left.

So on Wednesday, when I heard he was going off by 10am, I was like, I'LL ASK HIM NOW, ITS NOW OR NEVER!!! hahaha. So I asked him.

And then he saw my tagging paper "ok alot of cases", then he asked me "Who signed yr paper?" I replied an MO's name. He proceeded to ask my MO, who say should be ok but she was not in charge of me.

Next he looked for my MO in charge of me for the past few weeks, and when he couldn't find her, he called her. I was a wreck of nerves. Haha! Thank God my MO let me through. Which means I'm OFFICIALLY OFF TAG!!

The difference is that now on passive days, I can go back at 9pm if I've finished my work. If on active days I'll still try to stay and help out. It's really crazy on an active day, the admissions comes in streams -.-

Tagging

When one first starts a posting, there's something called "tagging". And unlike what  I used to understand about tagging, here(at least) the system is different.

tagging= doing the same thing as the off tag people, the difference is the longer working hours(to train one?) and the "leeway" they give you when you make a mistake "sorry boss i still tagging".

My MO said I'm really "gan geong" (flustered), should get my TFT done. but then hor, if I relax n lengah lengah, things don't get done, I'm gonna get scolding anyway!

Slowly getting used to "life". 

On my "off" day, and yawning away...seriously hutang tidur memang need to bayar even if I resist.

I havent watched ironman 3. I havent done so many of my fav things in a looong time. 

Just wanna rant.

Chronicles of the youngest and lowest of lifeform in the hospital

I started work at Hospital Muar on the 29th of April. It's only been 2 weeks, but it feels like 2 months. I still feel new, still feel lost, still feel like I don't belong... and the reason why it feels like 2 months is because I feel like I've been doing this like forever (not a good thing/ good feeling).

Each day, I drag my sleep deprived body up from bed at 5+,jz to reach the hospital by 6+ to review my patients before my MO does. And then its ward work (The real ward work, not like medical students, "Ward work"= relax/ do your own thing). throughout the day. If it's active ward, new patients will be admitted, and lots of stuff will need to be done eg clerking new patients, initiating new management, blood taking, lots of forms to fill...

Oh, a lil tip, get your official chop/rubber stamp done soon. Unlike me, I waited (and am still waiting) for my chop. It's seriously very very troublesome, and technically, the documents are not valid. Very very the difficult. -_______- I still dont have my name tag yet (but that isn't important).

Here,my first posting is medical. To be honest, before this I've never heard any horrors of medical ward in this hospital (in fact I've heard little about Muar Hospital), but when I came here, *WHAM* culture shock, work shock, hypovolaemic shock (due to dehydration) and you name it shock was here. Everyone told me "you're local, you'll be fine"...but as a first poster I really don't feel that. I feel so inferior, so stupid.

Just in case you were wondering (if there were any of you who still do wonder), yes, I did break down, so, so many times. Sometimes I blame it on estrogen, but in reality I blame my job. I'm very very near losing interest in my job (my other friends mostly have already lost interest). Basically, work because we have to, not because I like my job.

The hours are really really long. I never get home before 11+, and I even worked till 2 something am and did not go home (of course, everyone found out). But hearing my colleagues talk it must have been much much worst...they came at 4++ and went home 2-3am ++. Can't imagine if life is sucky like that, theirs must have been worst. O.o Social life? Don't think I have one anymore. Don't even go on facebook much (coming from  someone on facebook more than half the time in a day, its really significant).

Ah...then there is this issue of food. During passive ward,yes there is time to eat. Active, usually no time to eat / go down tapao. Once or twice I came at 2pm++, there was no food left! and the "tukang masak belum datang lagi". -_____-. I personally don't consider kuih's as proper meals.

Surprisingly, I haven't lost weight. So emo. :P

Paling sakit hati is kena scolding TDS, for things I do wrong nevermind, but sometimes for things I don't feel that I'm in the wrong. Then there's the issue of informing. Sometimes you inform also wrong, you don't inform also wrong...If I'm like a 3rd/4th poster I'll already know, but I'm a first poster in my first 2 weeks!

Something that I felt doesn't really apply here, which I heard the pengarah hospital say (while we were signing our surat aku janji) "dont learn from your houseman friends, learn from your mo's and specialists...I don't think it applies. Sometimes, in fact >90% of the time you consult and learn from your colleagues. Whom I am eternally grateful for- the bunch in the ward that made my learning curve an easier one.

Till next time ranting, not sure when. Start of working life - I finally understand why everyone says "enjoy yr student life - working life sucks"