A bunch of thoughts

A month later (wait, make that 2) and yes, I'm back with an emo post.

Ah! Life. Don't get me wrong...God has been really good and has blessed me so, so much. He blessed me with a dinner with my loved ones at the luxurious Ben's at Publika noy just once but twice; and another trip to singapore with free accommodation and 2 A Reserve tickets to watch Wicked the musical, which is admitedly, really good. Despite the hickups... God is and always has been good.

Just finished my clinical exam for medicine today. And make no mistake, when the lecturer said "I think you did well" (which somewhat mirrored the exam the last time), I'm really not sure if she was just trying to placade me. Because when I looked back, there were really things that I din't know and din't answer correctly. Made me realise, yet again, how woefully little I know in medicine!

Again, its the time of the semester when everyone is scrambling to change groupings. Perhaps due to my OCD-ness, I always find it hard to adjust to new environment. I secretly (and maybe not so secretly) think I have prolonged adjustment disorder each time. I can't help but feeling stressed in a "new environment",despite it being the same 100 (rotating) batchmates. It really is hard for me get used to a new place/people, and when I finally settle down...Things move on again. Way too fast for my liking :(
Its time like this when I really miss my best buds, esp the one in Leeds uni. I remember how we used to be inseparable, and I imagine that if she is here, we will probably be inseparable. We'll probably push each other to talk to patients etc, which probably will be better for each other :P She'll probably layan my lame jokes and antics, we'll probably sushi every other day. Nah, I kid. (Sushi is expensive!!!)

But yes. Its not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact, I have no reason to be, God has blessed me so. Perhaps, me, just like many others are falling into the trap of evying others life, or thinking "what if". But if you watch grey's anatomy a few episodes ago, they say that things would ultimately have played out the same way. Perhaps its true, coz nothing that happens is "incidental"; it is all permitted, crafted by God. And eventhough I may not see the plan at the moment, God can already see the end...

So yeah. Maybe I just need to sort out my feelings. Of the past and the present, because the past cannot be reproduced, and the present is ahead and holds much at stake. The memories of the past should serve more to brighten my dark days, not make me feel emo and longing. (Although, like I said, its hard for me to "move on". I am perhaps moving with the flow while subconciously trying to fight it.) The memories that I shared with the people I love and cherish evermore need to always be stored in that precious little corner of my brain, while I trudge on bravely. And may I remind myself, that I am never, ever alone( although many a time I may feel so).

Nowadays I find myself wondering many many times why I chose medicine. I'm not the only one. Discussing it during skype one day, my bestie and I agreed that if time were to be turned back, we would still have made the choice we made. How stupid right? To fight with the 7802560602589568263 people whom blindly choose medicine not knowing the amount of sacrifice, the amount of sweat, tears and heartache, and the somewhat bleak future for the medical profession that is slowly losing its prestige. To be one of the small fry that does all the work with a "glamourous"( actually, the lowest ranking, lower than amoeba in the food chain) name; to battle the workload and mounting pressure and if more serious, depression. To have more dark days than good, and not being sure what there is to look forward to. Call me a pessimist, but if you, like me are purely average(or less than that), you know that life is hard as you compete with the thousands and millions of braniacs who have chosen the same profession as you.

But as I pour out my frustrations, I am reminded by a loved and honoured person in my life, that my life is in God's hands. Promotion, whether fair or not. Welfare. Future. And more. God has and will pull me through the darkest days of my life. Because though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. And I always, always need to remind myself that the constant in this life is not death or tax (you have conquered them all), but You. That one day I can look forward to resting in Your house, and celebrating with You forevermore.

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come. Longing just to bring, something, something thats of worth, that will bless  your heart. 

Saw many of my juniors prom photos. Ah, those were the times. I love them (Still) and miss them so much. But I think that they have moved on in life. I miss hanging out with them, sharing each other's life story; I miss making them brush each others teeth while singing "old McDonalds  had a farm" with foam flowing from their mouths. I miss being the "guinea pig" while they made me up for my prom, trying on diff shoes , different shades of makeup. I miss all the lunches and the library hangouts, I miss talking about everything under the sun.

Not that I love my current housemates any less. When the Seremban chapter is over and done with, I know I'll also miss them, since people are moving away and nothing is confirmed. When everyone is in different places doing housemanship. But I'll always remember and miss most the time and the energy, and the heart invested into different people's lives.

And although I don't know how they are doing, they seem to be doing just fine. And even if they may(or have) forgotten me and that I am no longer a part of their lives, if there is one thing I want them to know is that I love them and will always miss them, and they have been an amazing part of my life where I wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

Random musings

Random musings

To be very honest, I have been doing nearly nothing but lazing /bumming around since I finished exams :D

First off, I moved my computer from the table to beside my bed, so I literally live beside my computer - That would probably explain my super prompt replies esp at Facebook huh ;p

Next , I just can't find the energy to do anything else - including reading a book (even novels). The sign of them just sends me to sleep. I haven't even watched Moulin Rouge which I downloaded weeks ago!! Instead, what I do is just close my eyes - "rest". The bliss of not having a 101 things to complete (well there are things I'm supposed to do which I'm sitting on, of course), such as the stack of notes to finish. I don't exactly miss that time ;p

Something random I saw on a shirt in a hypermarket

I do, however, miss my IMU phase 1 life, especially the library moments. Of sitting at the "gungho - sem 1 -study till 6pm " group aka Sexiest back in 2009 to the "fish market" table aka co13ras in 2010...I miss the moments. At times I'll just sit reflecting random moments like how "monkey" , "monster" and "nonsense" was the favourite words of Geena , Sofiah, Jolene and the other m109's, how Mae Yee will get bullied by the likes of Wei Hoong "Disgusting" ....to how the chatterboxes of my beloved co13ras will start chatting away in mandarin, and the random (girl's) "Tie Day".

I remember the moments where Ruby would just sit beside me as I stone, and force me to eat something as I barely had the appetite to eat(crispy chicken or a muffin)...to Hoong2's favourite repetitive term "Don't worry, be happy" and his all-time-lame sentence "I give you bile, make you smile" (or something along those lines). Those, and many more have been my comfort so so many times when I was too distressed to even speak.

MaeYee, Ruby, Hoong2. SeXIest lives on forever =)

Fast-forwarding to 2010, the appearance of "Mangkuk" and many many more. "lil bro" Sze Jun, we-love-hugs Alex, Sexy Jit Tong, Siew See(Sexy) , Mr. Intelligent - Thinkalot Shane, Turtle Pencil-case-always get stolen Crystal... and more. They cheer me up in so so many ways. I'm smiling as I remember how I'll give some of them (like Alex, Fida) a hug each day when we meet and when one of us is going home. Its a "routine" that I grew accustomed to looking forward to. How all of us would not hesitate to offer advice or help whenever needed. To be honest, I was pretty useless as a senior... I din't do anything for them. They (my friends aka juniors in Imu) instead were 1 of the greatest sources of sunshine in my life. :')

(Most of) The lot of them from the "fish market" table XD

I don't regret knowing anyone of them / all of you (Coz I'm not sure if many of you will ever read this)... It is truly a great honour and privilege of mine to know all of you, who you are, sincere and real people. You guys leave me nothing but fond memories, and the amazing feeling of being immensely blessed by knowing each and everyone of you. :)

The practice video of variety night. It was funnier during practice somehow. 

Sorry for the quality...people were moving about

Here is something I never posted up for all of you to watch, the variety night practice video. Its the best I could take... ps: Here at least it's SCIENTIFIC breakthrough not medical breakthrough that earned us a QC ;P And I can't help but laugh at the stupid dance moves everyone was making at the end to the song "Umbrella" XD

Super Viva + Charity Home Visit

Super Viva + Charity Home Visit

Saturday marked the final event for orientation MEDTCH110 - Charity home visit. And as usual, the whole gang (well, minus a few) of the sexy Co13ra's attended.

But wait...viva? :O haha. Super viva was conducted in the morning...and they viva-ed...me! haha. it was a long 1hr (I think) thing. Where the questions ranged from food I dislike to why I run and if I'm an organ donor etc etc etc.

At first I thought I got off pretty easy. Sure, there were some "tough" ones, but really, not as tough or emotional as I expected. There were many areas the questions din't explore. But then again, 1 hr cant do too much questioning no? :P Also because it was Saturday... most were in a chillax mood, some wasted, some just bored, some just shy :P and the location -lt2 doesnt seem like the most conducive place, lost of distractions.

But then as I reflected at night, I realized that what they have asked were actually a lot of "intelligent" questions. Things that I would wanna change, how I wanna be remembered after I die etc... And that my history, the parts of me which I protected so fiercely (with much that din't surface during the viva) din't matter. What actually matters is who I am now, and what I will be / am going to do / how I treat the people around me. Sure, if you ask me the right questions I would share with you...but you can do that on a one to one basis, any day ;)

And the minute things asked like my favourite food/ food I dislike and my favourite colour reminded me - that in life we have to always view both the big picture but never forget the small details. Its the balance that we try to achieve in life that keeps us "balanced", not forgetting either the huge picture of the small things.

Ok, some pictures from the day.

Magic fingers.

Don't know why, after the goodie bags were packed Alex was sitting at the grand piano. We just started playing songs like "tong hua" and progressed to bella's lulluby and many other songs like 21 guns. My piano skills super rusty. And hahaha 4 hands together playing a piano. I wish I were that good :P

Come to the dark side, we have cookies

Then we boarded the bus. This is lovely Fida, who is my comrade of the dark side :P She better study or else she will get kicked to the bright light! :D

Say Cheese! =)

And majority of the pictures you see in this post are courtesy of Crystal and her super geng camera. Tal is someone whom is both beautiful on the inside and out. Perhaps her inner beauty radiated outwards and further enhanced her naturally already beautiful self ;)

Melanie.

We reached our destination soon after. On the bus playing random games (some said its actually a drinking game haha). Loved the company, it was a fun journey. The home we went to was called KL KRASH PAD located in the heart of the city centre. This picture was taken on the reception area of the ground floor. You can see the immense talent the teenagers there have.

Group of 5 =D

We we assigned 1 or 2 to a kid, and got to know each other. (Picture of my "kid" coming up). My original impression was that the kids were super shy (well some of them). But if you open up yr heart to them, they will respond with the same enthusiasm, perhaps even more.

The group gets bigger! :O

And these kids actually were genuinely happy to have people come to visit them and play with them. They were actually very VERY enthusiastic, hyperactive with A LOT of energy. It was really fun and memorable spending that short 2-3 hours with them. It was also their levels of energy that drove us on...if we had a 1 or 2 more hours with them it would have been great.

Nearly the whole gang. It happens all the time when we take photos :P

Needless to say, I was super proud of each and every one of the Co13ra's for their participation and effort. Super duper proud since day 1 ! :)

Doctor wannabe too! :)

More bout my "kid". His name is Faizal, and he's...13 years old! (doesnt seem 13 right). He was asking me bout my name , age (he said I looked 18! bangga hahaha), hobbies...and asked what I was studying / wanna be. Henceforth the talk became serious when he found out I was studying to be a doctor. "Eh, saya pun!" (me too!) then he talked about his desire to learn mandarin, asking if english was important in uni, what my pmr/spm grades were... !!!

Constipated...PIKACHU!!!

hahaha. This picture is classic. with the jumping pika-aLex This was actually a reenact-ion of the games we played, namely charades. Then there was the bomb game where everyone chose a name of a food...strawberries (ROCK! :] ), coconut, banana's, marshmallows, papaya and rambutan. Hahaha.

Bundle of energy they are :)

In the activity centre.The "Kids". A bunch of vibrant, bubbly teenagers whom challenged me to see beyond the word "charity"

The "mommies/ daddies"

Those who were equally amazed by the kid's level of energy as I was. I believe it was an amazing experience for all of us.

Group photo! :)

It was definitely not easy to keep a 15 kids + 24 seniors situation under control + make sure none is left out. but I'm proud that Co13ra's managed to do it. Nothing is impossible when a team works together, right! :)

On the bus

And I forgot to mention, on the way back in the bus...everyone started karaoke-ing! Mostly mandarin songs from AGES ago...It was SUPER super fun. Next time print out the lyrics and distribute (coz sometimes we know the song not the lyrics) Co13ra's, you guys know what to plan next! go Karaoke-ing together people! :)

Picture of the day. =)

I heart this group photo - its so bright + cheerful + energetic! Co13ra's may not have gotten 1st in the orientation. We may not have gotten a hamper. But we have gained much, much more than that. We've gained friends who will walk each other through the rest of medical school , and I believe even way after that... We've shared our joy, sweat, embarrassment, tears, birthdays etc... We've got each other as a family, someone you know will always share your tears and joy and burdens. And one another to cheer you up when you're down; humour you when you're gloomy; cheer you on when you feel like giving in; and just be there for each other when one just needs company. More than the numbers ,I believe that we are bonded together in the heart :) And if you ask me thats what matters the most. Friendship. Family. Love.

March Blues

March Blues

Feeling super duper tired after 1 week of MSK (Muscoskeletal system). still got not much time left to EOS 5. Would be lying if I said I'm not stressed, especially after the semester 5 briefing today on the "grand finale".

Really got tons to do...from the wayyy overdue gp posting report to reading notes and doing comm med portfolio... God, not by my strength but by Yours

Anyway, here are some pictures of my current life / thoughts.

Meet the head of Hamlet...minus the mandible

Been doing MMS (medical museum session nearly everyday after class. Actually really glad and thankful of the company of friends that I'm studying with - I actually am learning something (instead of just sesating)...although much revision still needs to be done :/

Pretty Sarah..a true gem worth more than gold and silver!! :)

HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY SARAH!!! You've been an amazing sister in my life, one I really treasure and thank God for. Thank you for being someone who stayed through the years, for being an immense blessing in my life! I miss you already ...

Pretty women, on my left and right...

Went to Pyramid for a stress-free afternoon. Just the 3 of us . It was soooo stress free. From sushi to prom dress shopping to ice cream treats! I heart you both

Mafia style! I like! hahaha

Then we tried on shades! This was the mafia picture. Look at the ganstar and her peeps! DON'T mess with her...

:D

Beach side party. Cant you already feel the wind gently breezing at the background...

Happy contended smiles...

The end of a happy afternoon. We needed 5 times to get a photo of all 3 of us in! Camwhoring skills fail...

Candid shot! Yee Ling, Crystal, Michelle, Chui Ling :D

I have no regret's OO-ing this semester, though its the last of bukit jalil. Group 13 rocks big time , I couldn't have asked for a better group. :D We have seriously all types of people. And what's amazing is that everyone gels together - the unity is astounding! :) Proud to be part of CO13RA's!

Tree. MJ. Siew See :P

Dress Code presentation. Of course, the lamest stuff can come out during this time...

Dirty smelly sweaty yucky! But that's what also bonded us...

You know, out of the 5 semesters at IMU, I never joined treasure hunt before. Hence, I joined CO13RA's for theirs. Super tiring. But fun to watch (coz I am senior not junior, so participation of juniors are the priority :] )

"I know I'm pretty...." (not me, Kyan la)

Kyan. Haha grown to know him a lil more. This guy is super serious in both studies, running but plays hard when he's at it. Salute.

Variety Night. We got Sinbati(female version of Sinbad), King Arthur Hokkien version, Dim Sum Crew, and more...

Once a CO13RA, always sting. (Jit Tong, March 2010). Forgive the incorrect citing format. I will always treasure and miss you guys. Even when I'm gone and you don't remember me anymore. Thank you for making this part of the journey a beautifully amazing one. You guys have made my life more beautiful by being part of it. :)

because you came along

because you came along

I din't intend to oo for my last semester. You know la , sem5. I also didn't intend to put my heart into it, knowing that farewell is inevitable.

But then CO13RA's was the group. And I couldn't have been prouder of them . Its not the results that matter anyway. Its the process. Of learning. Of learning to trust one another, of bonding with each other, and much much more. As much as the "fun" , and more - was the spirit of enthusiasm, the unity. The group that came with so many colours , so many personalities. And all that managed to mingle and call each other family :)

I doubt any Co13ra members would be reading this. But if you do , I really want you guys to know I'm really really honoured to be part of you guys these few weeks. Proud of all of you, for surviving and performing brilliantly these 2 weeks. For learning to live with each other, to open up and trust each other. Much much more than I can never express in words. I believe you guys will always always stay together in spirit (coz not physically lol) and be there for each other no matter what.

Each of you are different. Each of you are unique, special. You all bring something to the table, and you share your talents , complement each other. Nothing is small. Take props, for example. The yellow car for dress code ii was amazing. You guys really work together - and that will take you far. Coz no one can survive alone in medical school...(by medical I'm including dental together. and chiropractic as well).

And because you (all) came along, you were all so freaking awesome I decided that I would spend as much time as I could with you guys. :) I'm sorry for not being there much of the time too,events and all. I really enjoyed watching you guys adapt to the new surroundings, and appreciate knowing each of you beyond surface level. Everyone has a story to tell...I have yet to uncover many of you guys' :)

And because I did not take many photos (well Martin and other oo's and all took many but din't post them up yet), I shall end it with less than 10 photos this time. random photos that makes me smile :)

Melanie! :)

Kuding and Fida. Kuding, you're seriously talented in music. I wish I knew the violin! :) Fida... you DON'T look like Ruby! haha

Some of the CO13RA members. from left : Yong Ming, Xing Yi, me, Shiro and Selva. Front: Siew See. This is after lunch at sri petaling. You guys seriously rock ,you know that? :)

The gang of guys with Selva posing at the back, Jit Tong making his funny face, Kuding being hyped (as usual) ,and with Sze Jun in front, arms crossed, and Jenan, the supposedly big boss who succeeded at being an awesome spy :P

This is what happens when we go shopping =.=

Group hug!! :) Viva session. This happens after each person is viva-ed.

ps: you see me sitting at the back? kinda big the phobia d. either i get crushed, or my feet gets stepped on. oww :( hence i prefer 1-1 hug :)

variety night. Most of the performances were seriously BORING that night. Pam could even study! hahaha :)

In the lift. I tell you, this group can seriously pose. see all the funny/ posey pictures. :)

F.A.M.I.L.Y.(Not complete I know , but some of them). Taken after finale night :) Once a co13ra, always a co13ra. To the group with as many OO's(or is it more? :-O ) as there are juniors - Rock on, peeps :) You guys have left me many memories to be treasured :)

I had a really fun time these 2 weeks with all of you. :) I still cant dance( cant club- just cant move my body), still feel old-er (since most of you are either born in year 1990 or 1991, and feel pretty useless coz most of the time I did nothing with / for you guys. But I really thank God for you guys. I wouldn't have traded you guys for another group of people. :) To cheeyip and the other oo's - you guys did a fantastic job - I'm proud of all you guys too...respect! for being able to juggle studies + other stuffs + orientation! :)

bummed and goodbyes

I seriously felt really really bummed today. It was just a miss - missing my juniors Co13ra's performance and the ball table arrangement thingy.

I have decided to go for ball. and by some funny co-incidence, I decided I din't need to talk to jade coz I thought we were seated at the back already. If only I had approached Jade earlier. Then I would have saved myself a little bit of heartache of being placed near the pharmacy opposite our batch. that was an ok location I guess. just mad that I wasn't proactive enough.

Then there was dress code ii by my orientation group. Geeks vs freaks. the thing is , a few of us were coming back from MidValley, and the event was supposed to start at 7pm. traditionally, the event never starts early. so we reached back with a few minutes to spare...rushed up to think we had made it....only to find out minutes later that the grand start (our group was the first for the day) had been made.

I was totally bummed. It was really hard for me to stay back for orientation stuffs this time, owing to the fact that I'm semester 5 and that my parents weren't entirely happy (like naturally) ...and the time I actually join them for an event, I just missed it!!The sore spot really egged at my heart and I was really really bummed. Like really really.

But these are little things. And they pass. Today I can cry - and smile in the same day. Because I have much to be grateful for. I have friends I love to bits and would give my life for. I have memories that I will cherish for always. Sometimes people say that 'why get to know people if you know you're only gonna say goodbye? ' I thought bout it so many times before...but I say why not? even if you're gonna know that person for a year or 2. maybe months. maybe days . even if you face the word heart wrenching word of goodbye everyday.

the most sucky part bout a journey is parting. maybe temporary, maybe permanent. but in that precious time, u could gain a friend; you could get to leave a mark / footprint/ legacy in this person's life. You get to love this precious live , and be loved in return. For me at least - that's what I feel.

And if I had a choice between knowing someone a few months and being able to make a difference in the person's life - but face the sucky prospects of partings and teary goodbye's later - or to not go ahead and just stay surface and shallow / dont really get to know the person - I would choose the former. Hurts maybe, but at least I know I've done all I could to make the person's life hopefully a brighter one. To know someone loves and cares for him/ her. To look back one day and say hey, I hope I made this person smile. And that the person might feel like some someone genuinely cared and loved for him/her , no strings attached. At least for a moment...at least.

Simply Blogging :)

Simply Blogging :)


Emcee-ing experience

Was really looking forward to emcee-ing the art festival. Havn't emceeded for years. And before I knew it, I had pericoronitis (google it if u dunno)...and had to miss the opening ceremony.


But I was happy when offered a chance to emcee for the closing ceremony...with Ash! Was quite dissapointed when Ash found out she had pbl the next day at the same time. Then started the co-emcee search frenzy. Turned down by one and the other wasn't approved...in the end I end up emceeing with Eldwin :)

Daddy aka Eldwin aka Co-emcee for closing ceremony

I can tell you, I honestly was so jittery and am so thankful that my co-emcee started the thing. I believe I was pretty much a bundle of nerves, and kept my head to my prepared script :)

Bundle of nerves :s



Eld "strutting his stuff"

A big THANK YOU to the Big Guy above (God, in case you were wondering whats with the caps) :) Grateful for the courage, grace, strength, and everything else I know and don't. I'm grateful for not messing up, and having the chance to hone my "public relations / public speaking" (so lousy terms, but owh well). Am really thankful for people like Ash, Esther and some others tho...jz for being there, for supporting me all the way! And to my co-emcee Eld aka daddy - You rocked :) Proud of you :)

Esther! - beautiful in and out, an amazing friend and a multi talented girl who is still single! *hint hint* :)
(Esther is so gonna kill me...but free advert for you babe! ;p)



The 3 bloggerheads :)

Overdue photos - Some little encouragements during EOS 3.

Mommy Ruby and her knowledge of my loving bright colours :)



Sabby and her unmistakable talent in drawing + encouraging :)


Orientation random photo's

Indoor treasure hunt...Everthing was delayed (sorta expected tho)



...And we end up "camwhoring" XD (with Pretty Alison)



...while sitting on the sidewalk so that juniors can sit :]


CHILL
Chill nametag (which I "hoarded" in my bag till orientation was done!


Little gesture from Jun Ee. Really beautifully made, and the gift spoke volumes :)



Really touched by the gestures of my juniors :) And I don't know how, but I liked my photo frame. It felt really kindergarden - ish (the others were more sophisticated)...but I liked mine. it was very me. The bright yellow + art stuff - maple leaves, pine tress with different facial expressions, what I always "conteng" on Sooky (or whoever sits beside me's ) paper...and the classic sun! (the thing I always drew). Thanks guys :) You all rock big time :) hehe