NEW TEMPLATE!!!

As you can see, I'm pretty excited. Doubt anyone reads my blog now, but hey if you're there, gimme a shoutout! :D would love to know who is still here :D

Anyway a couple of stuff:
1.Template is new! Had oodles of fun choosing different backgrounds, colours etc. Hee. Just like a little girl :/ Do gimme some constructive criticism tho. Picture on top self taken, no copyrights issues. :) I may be really colour blind sometimes, so please tell me which 1's don't fit and which colour etc is better! :D

2. Links. I din't realise my links (cause I had a couple of tabs) were cancelled. for good? noooo. :'( So if you're there, PLEASE gimme a heads up with your link, either in the chatbox or leave a comment. Will link you back, if you're my friend! Promise! :D

Here's to new beginnings! *Throws confetti to self since no one is here*. (ahh. so depressing thought :( )

Picture Stories October

Sometimes, just when you thought you were over something; just when you talk about it, reminiscing...

You realize that the hurt is still there, the world is still cruel and unforgiving...

They say time is the best healer

And you resolve that the silent but steady stream of salt water flowing seemingly endlessly is necessary to build up who you are; and that the heartache, that seems like it could engulf one with the intense,wordless pain will contribute towards a stronger, better you...

The Promise -
that there will always be a rainbow after the rain

You let the tears flow, not caring to let it cease. And you look to above, remembering the promise. That through all the pain, tears, and joy, He is always there, and He cares.

My daily mornings

You know how people can sleep through multiple alarms when its time to go to school/work?
Well I gotta admit, this is so much like me :D

Epic :D

Ahh...the bliss of being a student and the torture of getting up early in the mornings...

The people who created this clip are absolutely brilliant :)

September

Wedding seems to be the theme of September. No surprise naturally, since its the "eighth month" in the Lunar Calender, which is deemed to be an auspicious month for stuff like these.

So yes, a cousin decided to get married this month too. Pictures chosen below are courtesy of my brother who always carries his camera around:)

 Pretty "door gift" with 2 cadbury sweets inside.

 3rd generations.

A pic of the cousins who attended with my grandma. the (mostly) older cousins who din't attend are everywhere. studying, working..

(Notice that most of them are male?)

(Near) complete family photo

 After the tea ceremony. Pic of the bride and groom, and the youngest to the oldest of relatives from my paternal side who gathered for this age-old ceremony..

My pretty cousin sis and me.

We were joking that while the unmarried "kids" went up to receive "ang pows", we were included albeit sheepishly and half-embarassed...

(big kids mar)

My grandma :)

I always remember fond memories of my childhood while thinking of her, including going out with grandpa at that time to eat "wan tan noodles", her making glue out of starch for me during primary school and more...

It was a good time where the relatives (and cousins) got to mingle and eat and eat talk. haha. I guess the inevitable question for me (well you gotta expect it, knowing you're in that culture and age) was asked TWICE(at least) by 2 different aunts:

"When's your turn???"

 -________-" to which I'll reply long, long time more, no where near in sight....

August

Things I've acheived this holidays:

(Mostly) playing games
cleared up the bags on the floor (wait theres one more)
I dunno, play more games? Alice greenfingers, youda farmer, texas poker...
o ya, learn how to play poker and chor dai dee

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On another note, my bro is back from India. happy to see him of course. Secretly thinking that he as a 1st year (first semester!) manipal med student is much better (at least theoretically) than me! I know I can't compare with his knowledge in anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, embryology... (wait that's everything..)

Such a depressing feeling I tell you.

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But on a happy note, I've passed my year 4(halfway through actually) exams! so I've got 1.5 years more to go officially. All glory to Him, not by my might but by His grace. And of course my dad, who drilled me like crazy. And the support of all my friends and family and loved ones (you know who you are). thank you for listening to me rant all the time /emo / fret (thanks Sam) and being there for me; for guiding me (and talking also la :P ) through osce practice sessions (Thanks Sook Cheng and ever faithful Shane) and everyone whom I missed out (like those I jz random msged (fifi etc). And special thanks to the wonderful seniors like Christy and Priscilla and Szu May that really helped us in the last week (read: few days before exam) for OSCE. I think I learnt most of my osce in the last week..lol.

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I think everyone has issues to sort out, stuff that are always at the back of ones mind. its just how one does it, how the end result will be. just pensive over some stuff. I guess I'll remember the serenity prayer -

Learning to trust the Hand who holds the plans and the future.

Close 2 exams

Its close to exams (Again), and I's supposed to be studying. BUT, I'm distracted. just can't concentrate, can't tahan the fact that i chose not to go for the "Extra class" this morning which was 2.5hrs and was supposedly very helpful.arrgh. ah well. whats done can't be undone..im not in harry potter world.

A friend was telling me about a lecturer's outburst on the recent protesting in KL, and was "aiming her anger towards the non malays". at the same time, she said the young generation only knows how to complain, only knows how to yell "migrate"... "u don't wanna stay, you blah je" (basically, go away) "see which country wants to accept you". for me, the demonstatrators were just making a statement, standing up for what they believe in. People used to say that the young generation doesn't care. Now that they do, they do it loud and strong. For me, I feel that a lecturer (or anyone for that matter) should never outrightly judge and condemn others for their choices...its simply unprofessional to say the very least. especially someone in the education field. You can vent your anger, but not like that, no?

So yeah, stuff like that used to bother me. Now, I just tell others that "we bring it out through actions - the ballot box". thats our responsibility, thats what we can and should do.

I had a fb friend who wrote on her status ".. Who the hell changed the name Tanah Melayu to Malaysia? Things wouldn't have become so difficult to explain if the name of the country itself was never changed." if you ask me, this statement is downright ...I'm not gonna say it here lah. Enough to say that to many parts of the world, the other colours skin will always be "Pendatang" who is here to "Steal their stuff - land money position etc". And there were a couple of "likes" on the status.

I should study. Bye.

target1

Father God,

rain down Your peace and just presence, breathe in me. Sustain me through each day Abba Father, help me take 1 thing at a time, 1 day at a time.

Target today:
5 case summaries,
1 chapter apleys
1 psychiatry topic

- Emo Post Alert -

I'm not sure if I'm able to put all my heart feels into words anymore...but here goes. And its something that's so jumbled up in my mind. Many somethings.

I feel utterly stressed. EOS 7 in less than a month, 22 days or so. I don't know how to do 7 postings worth of revision in like, less than a month, including OSCE practice etc. I honestly don't. I don't know where to start. I always make "timetables" that I fall really short of - I can barely do even half of what I set out to do.

The "die la" mentality is always, always playing at the back of my mind. I know it's not good, but sometimes, I think its an asian thing. I try to comfort myself..but it doesn't seem to work.

I'm the ultimate time waster and I know it, and hate myself for it. The many times I told myself "I'll try again" to fail again and again.

Looking back at facebook pictures, there is some part deep inside me that is sorta stirred. u know the feeling of looking back at certain photos that bring back lots and lots of memories, sweet, and at the same time painful and occasionally, bitter..although there's no "what if's" in this case instead a sense of acceptance, the heart still can't bring itself to fully "Get over" the phase, and each time something just triggers that memory, the heart will be sent sprawling back once again...

I guess you never "move on" some things, you just chuck it at the back of your mind and put on a brave smile to face tomorrow, to face the world where work and productivity calls, where emotions are(or should be) left aside. and i know tomorrow this will just be part of history, just like yesterday, the days and years before it... leaving behind nothing but memories, bits and pieces of what once was...

I'm not someone who is multitalented, or even talented. it was really hard adapting each time to a new condition, new environment. adjusting one's identity from who 1 thinks 1 was to tailor to the situation, to make oneself be able to adjust, to fit in. who doesn't wish he/she could sing crazy good? who doesn't wish studying was "a piece of cake, just like snapping one's fingers"? i wish i could. but im neither that, nor am i an artist, a dancer etc. i'm just a part of the world that doesn't make a difference even if I werent here; basically, im disposable off. thats probably the harsh reality of life.

I'm not even trying to garner votes from my "self pity". its just the stone cold truth that when you fall down, many times most will just run past you.without any regard. for the rest of the time, 1's facade outside will "pull" 1 through...at least for a while.

Father God, I guess its not easy really struggling alone (or so I think), where I'm not sure whether I'll make it through the next study hurdle, I'm not sure if tomorrow I'll remember again the past, what once was, I know in this world, I  am but nobody...perhaps just remind me Abba Father, that I'm beautifully and wonderfully made in Your image, and that You love me and died on the cross for me. remind me that You made me beautiful, You made me perfect in Your sight, remind me that Lord You were d 1 who pulled me through, You will pull me through again, again , and again. I don't live in this world to please others but You Lord.remind me that You did not put a spirit of fear in me but a spirit of good cheer, of courage and a sound mind.Amen.

and after the heavy rain, if there is refraction of light you'll see a beautiful rainbow...and if the heart is finally still perhaps one will see that grace shines through, enough for tomorrow...

the same power that conquers the grave lives in me.

i think psychiatry draws me nuts, +the piling stress from everything. But as again,I'll have to learn to trust...