Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Struggles

My blog has been like, dead. For at least a few years, and I know it.

During these times, I feel like I've changed alot - from the assertive, confident , bashful me to a less certain, wishy-washy, constantly apologoising me. I've changed, and I don't know if it is for the better.

I used to think I know what comes next, I know what to expect, and I know what life is about( How ignorant and how arrogant). However, as life throws me curveballs, I become more uncertain as time passes me by, leaving me confused, muddled and torn inside. I can picture a pile of scrap trying to piece itself together but failing miserably.

I used to write thinking someone will read. Now I don't anymore, no one visits this dead blog anyway.

Now I know why people say that adult life is messy, is confusing, is about scheming... etc. How I long for the innocence of childlike faith. How I long to bee that look up and see only 1 option and know that that is the one for me.

I'm however, grateful. Grateful because I have God , grateful because I have my family, grateful to have my ever loving and ever supporting other half. Grateful that he is willing to carry my burdens, and share in my joy and pain. Grateful that I've found someone who loves me more than I love myself.


~ ~ ~

Father God, I surrender myself to you. My burdens I give to You. Help me to make the right desicion, the desicion that honours You and helps me to walk into my future. The desicion that I can look back and thank You for no matter what. Give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. Help me to choose. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Wake me up when september ends

I cannot believe that i have not written for sooo long. Like eternity. The discipline that is needed to write is... I salute bloggers who do it on a daily basis.

Much has happened during this time. Hehe. Basically time flies la.
Went to taiwan.
Took an exam.
Worked alot.
Family matters.
It's been a year (and more) already!!

We should really spend more time with our families. Update soon.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

My Ideal Guy (2015)

Human evolve. No , not from monkeys / apes. At least not in my vocab. I mean, past 2000 years have you even seen one ape evolve into a human being? (Although I agree sometimes humans behave worst than apes / monkeys).

Human beings evolve. Change. Emotionally. Mentally. I know I have. This is like an updated list done from 2007.

So here goes, things I look for in a life partner.

- Loves God with all his heart

- Loves and will take care of is family and mine

- Will know how to be the leader in the family - a man worth submitting to

- Will love me with all of his heart as an equal and partner.

And other nitty gritty stuff:

- Non Smoker / Non a crazy alcoholic (Like Child Pugh B-C)

- Has a good sense of Humour

- Generous with his time, money, everything

- "Gets" me

- Gentle and has grace

- Someone who doesn't shirk responsibility

- Someone who has vision, knows what he wants.

- Someone who can handle criticisms.

- Someone who knows know to correct me/ other people with gentleness and grace

A beloved sister and dear friend of mine summed it up this way - "basically as the list simplifies at the heart of it you desire someone who desires God and you"...

And that's probably true.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

1...2...3...

Working weekends and oncall too this weekend. No, who said doctors have life. :p

Anyway randomness. Everyone struggles. Some struggle with finances. Some exams. Some emotionally or spiritually. I do too. I'm only human, you see.

Most important for me is to remain true to oneself. And to trust the Hand that guides from above. Afterall, our lives have already been written in His book...

Friday, July 24, 2015

What are you living for?

Gonna be a sob story. So move away if you want to. You are most welcome.

I remember my prayer yesterday - God i surrender everything to You. Use me as Your vessel even in the hospital... ...

Today I had to break the bad news to a patient that he had advanced cancer. He already suspected post the scan, because he noticed the radiologists were whispering amongst themselves. Then when the report came back late, he accused me of trying to hide his findings. He was adamant about going home TODAY, and din't wana wait another day so we could refer inpatient.

Turns out that he has a wife who is debilitated due to stroke, and a daughter busy working day and night. He was the main caretaker for the wife basically.

After all the huu-haa and the referrals that were unable to be made as the oncall people had their phones off, i sat next to the uncle and asked him how he was feeling,if he was ok.

And then the waterworks started..both his and mine. His more manly tears, barely rolling down his cheeks. He was visibly emotional,and 101 thoughts were running through his mind. Mine were the tears of a fellow human being,and it was as much ad I could do to keep my voice from breaking. I know the neighbouring bed and the other staff were staring and could see my eyes watery and me basically wiping away tears from my tear streaked, red face.

Later on I found out he shared the same faith and had the chance to pray for him. I din't know what to pray for..and in the end I prayed for peace and joy basically. I tried to remind the both of us that through the storm, God is sovereign.

And God is sovereign. When we don't understand the plan, we trust the Hand. Our bodies on earth expire, but in Him we have eternal life forever.

So what are we living for? I don't know about You, but I will live for Him.

And oh, watch what you pray for. He is listening. :)

Friday, July 17, 2015

Selamat Hari Raya!!

Selamat Hari Raya!! 

Some pretty pretty mini cupcakes with jam inside in one of the wards on Raya Eve

Spending my first raya post call in a new place, in one of the major cities in the country is definitely a new experience. For one, I definitely miss the warm feeling of festivity and the delicious food that is usually available in nearly all the wards on day 1. The fantastic chefs aka staff nurses in my previous hospital will bring tradional lemang, ketupat and all the lovely rendang on d1..I can even go for multiple rounds in multiple wards!! Here, its work as usual..

Anyway , have a great celebration to all who happened to stumble upon my humble blog!! May the coming days bring health, wealth and joy in you and your family's life!:)

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

life's R&R at Perhentian

So i went to Perhentian, where life stops for a while. In a good way of course. :)

I took many, many, many pictures. But all are random pictures la. Haha. So here are a few. Might just update more later.

 The place I stayed at.The Barat Perhentian. Went there via boat trasfer from Kuala Besut jetty. The place was fair la. Clean, tad small, comfy enof... View fair. You can walk around the island anyways.

 The nice clean sand. This is near Perhentian Island resort, which i secretly think is the nicest of all the resorts/hotels there. Looks the most posh of the few resorts there anyway.

 The beautiful sea! Spent hours just standing at the edge of the sea, letting the waves wash over my feet while feeling the soft sand wiggle through my toes. And with bff Sooky, great getaway. :) I'm such a lousy travel partner.. Easily seasick and am utterly boring..haha.

 Dinner the day before we left. Bbq dinner, included in the package. Bbq fish, squid, chicken wings, lamb chop! I heart lamb chop the most hehe.. (yes I know, cholesterol..)

Sooky, the future radiologist. :) really happy you got what your heart desires.. You worked so hard for it. Proud of you!! Heart this picture because friends are forever, and because you'll always need a girlfriend. :) This girlfriend likes Asian food. (random)

Good trip, and Barat Perhentian does have good food.a mix of fusion, asian and western. I would definitely recommend it for its food and that its price is reasonable. 

I need another holiday soon... =X

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

of people i miss..

Some of the people I miss the most right now..

 The random meets up at makan places. Everone is everywhere now. Mini reunion in the other island in the country.. Guess the next meetup will still be Nandos coz that place isn't available in Kuching...

The 3 Musketeers. I miss miss miss :( Calm, cool and direct people, what we say is what we think. haha!! and Faster cari chance to come out and meet again, I've got lots of dresses in my wardrobe waiting to be worn..