A bunch of thoughts

A month later (wait, make that 2) and yes, I'm back with an emo post.

Ah! Life. Don't get me wrong...God has been really good and has blessed me so, so much. He blessed me with a dinner with my loved ones at the luxurious Ben's at Publika noy just once but twice; and another trip to singapore with free accommodation and 2 A Reserve tickets to watch Wicked the musical, which is admitedly, really good. Despite the hickups... God is and always has been good.

Just finished my clinical exam for medicine today. And make no mistake, when the lecturer said "I think you did well" (which somewhat mirrored the exam the last time), I'm really not sure if she was just trying to placade me. Because when I looked back, there were really things that I din't know and din't answer correctly. Made me realise, yet again, how woefully little I know in medicine!

Again, its the time of the semester when everyone is scrambling to change groupings. Perhaps due to my OCD-ness, I always find it hard to adjust to new environment. I secretly (and maybe not so secretly) think I have prolonged adjustment disorder each time. I can't help but feeling stressed in a "new environment",despite it being the same 100 (rotating) batchmates. It really is hard for me get used to a new place/people, and when I finally settle down...Things move on again. Way too fast for my liking :(
Its time like this when I really miss my best buds, esp the one in Leeds uni. I remember how we used to be inseparable, and I imagine that if she is here, we will probably be inseparable. We'll probably push each other to talk to patients etc, which probably will be better for each other :P She'll probably layan my lame jokes and antics, we'll probably sushi every other day. Nah, I kid. (Sushi is expensive!!!)

But yes. Its not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact, I have no reason to be, God has blessed me so. Perhaps, me, just like many others are falling into the trap of evying others life, or thinking "what if". But if you watch grey's anatomy a few episodes ago, they say that things would ultimately have played out the same way. Perhaps its true, coz nothing that happens is "incidental"; it is all permitted, crafted by God. And eventhough I may not see the plan at the moment, God can already see the end...

So yeah. Maybe I just need to sort out my feelings. Of the past and the present, because the past cannot be reproduced, and the present is ahead and holds much at stake. The memories of the past should serve more to brighten my dark days, not make me feel emo and longing. (Although, like I said, its hard for me to "move on". I am perhaps moving with the flow while subconciously trying to fight it.) The memories that I shared with the people I love and cherish evermore need to always be stored in that precious little corner of my brain, while I trudge on bravely. And may I remind myself, that I am never, ever alone( although many a time I may feel so).

Nowadays I find myself wondering many many times why I chose medicine. I'm not the only one. Discussing it during skype one day, my bestie and I agreed that if time were to be turned back, we would still have made the choice we made. How stupid right? To fight with the 7802560602589568263 people whom blindly choose medicine not knowing the amount of sacrifice, the amount of sweat, tears and heartache, and the somewhat bleak future for the medical profession that is slowly losing its prestige. To be one of the small fry that does all the work with a "glamourous"( actually, the lowest ranking, lower than amoeba in the food chain) name; to battle the workload and mounting pressure and if more serious, depression. To have more dark days than good, and not being sure what there is to look forward to. Call me a pessimist, but if you, like me are purely average(or less than that), you know that life is hard as you compete with the thousands and millions of braniacs who have chosen the same profession as you.

But as I pour out my frustrations, I am reminded by a loved and honoured person in my life, that my life is in God's hands. Promotion, whether fair or not. Welfare. Future. And more. God has and will pull me through the darkest days of my life. Because though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. And I always, always need to remind myself that the constant in this life is not death or tax (you have conquered them all), but You. That one day I can look forward to resting in Your house, and celebrating with You forevermore.

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come. Longing just to bring, something, something thats of worth, that will bless  your heart. 

Saw many of my juniors prom photos. Ah, those were the times. I love them (Still) and miss them so much. But I think that they have moved on in life. I miss hanging out with them, sharing each other's life story; I miss making them brush each others teeth while singing "old McDonalds  had a farm" with foam flowing from their mouths. I miss being the "guinea pig" while they made me up for my prom, trying on diff shoes , different shades of makeup. I miss all the lunches and the library hangouts, I miss talking about everything under the sun.

Not that I love my current housemates any less. When the Seremban chapter is over and done with, I know I'll also miss them, since people are moving away and nothing is confirmed. When everyone is in different places doing housemanship. But I'll always remember and miss most the time and the energy, and the heart invested into different people's lives.

And although I don't know how they are doing, they seem to be doing just fine. And even if they may(or have) forgotten me and that I am no longer a part of their lives, if there is one thing I want them to know is that I love them and will always miss them, and they have been an amazing part of my life where I wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

Hutan Lipur (near Kuala Pilah) spontaneous trip

The keyword here is spontaneous. Haha.

So for psychiatry we have 2 trips to Kuala Pilah, both on Wednesdays. So after lunch the second week, Becky decided to head into the woods (literally) for a spontaneous trip to the Hutan Lipur (which I have no idea is what name)

I shall blog with the few scarce pictures I took :P

Jakuns :P

Proof of the jungle environment, with the curvy turvy trees branches etc. 

Oh of course, and my awesome buddies :D 



Outside the snake's glass "cage"
There was also a Taman Ular Sawah (Snake farm), with quite many huge snakes on display.





Beautiful Rebecca "Rendaming kaki"
Since we were there, we decided to go dip our legs in the pool which we saw,
where others did the same earlier. Expected the water to be hot,
but it was surprisingly an icy cold :P





Yours truly "getting close to mother nature"

with the two big men towering behind spoiling my pic:P 

Since they wear shoes n socks, they decided it'll be too tiresome

 for them to take our their shoes, wear them back again...



Not so clear and icy cold water :D

   

One for memories' sake
Someone looking smart in his formal shirt n tie . . . :)
The one who never fails to encourage me to WALK and excercise . . . :P



 

This was a random 1/2 hour + trip which saw us walking into the jungle in the middle of the day (1pm+), seeing snakes and dipping our feet into nice cold flowing water :) Entry was free, just like your average park. I vote that we should have more trips before we get old and our bones start to ache and creak ( wait, I think they already do at times . . . :/ )

when 5/6 people in the bungalow hear it...

The funny moment when you're talking to someone whose's inside the toilet about next semester's groupings, and the one downstairs hears and responds all the way upstairs as well, telling her to change to his group instead . . . And the one in the next room hears it and all of us simply burst out laughing . . .

simply coz this place is definitely not soundproof.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. can't help it but to laugh . . .

Fun Fair @ Port Dickson

It's been past a year and I've never been to Ben, a friend's house in Port Dickson. Came home after uni, went shopping for dinner materials, went home to be told to put everything back into the fridge. lol! 

So to PD we went, the friend staying near the hospital. Well his place is awesome, and apart from the space factor( I need more space). I love the furnishing of the house, the view of his balcony(facing the beach n sea...who doesn't wanna wake up to such a beautiful view every morning??) the way everything is set. But no pictures since its his privacy we're talking about. 

We went out for dinner (again no pics) and I took a "burger oblong" from the roadside. IF I ever go again I shall snap a photo. Well it was decent, and a friend described it as "just like prosperity burger from MacD but a fraction of the price". Guess I gotta agree there. 

Then since opposite the road there was this fun fair, we made a trip there. Din't take many photos since left hp in the car..but here r some of the scenes that we managed to capture.

Ferris wheel, 360 turning thingy....

The rides at the fair. Pretty decent for a small time fair. 

Legalized gambling :P

Some of the stalls there. There were the "mesti dapat" games and the "tak mesti dapat" games. There were actually many people there...

  Among the many stalls...

The awesomes who went :D 

The 5 of us who went, Ben even in his formal attire -.-

You spin my head right round right round...

The highlight of the day - the ride of the pirateship like ride which turned 360 degrees which lasted for 3 mins+. came of feeling slightly nauseated, CS with headache... but apparently it was worth it :P

The reason I went on? coz got frenz teman, and coz I wanted to try it out. You know as you grow older u sorta lose the ability to do that, get nauseated faster? well I wanted to tick this of my "life's to do list" (which I don't have :P ) before I hit middle age. Aha.

My souvenir for the day, a pillow with a cacat smiley face :D

Guess its time to introduce my other half (in case you haven't deduced from the past few posts and my sidebar)... my Mr Tall, the one who always makes me laugh, the one whom always makes me smile :) My other half, Samuel :)  He tossed some tokens and got me a pillow :D

It was pretty fun, going back and sleeping till morning 10+ coz there wasn't class the day after. And going back and cooking tomyam soup for lunch.


Thank you God for all the blessings that you have placed in my life. I appreciate it all. :)

The Adventures of Tintin @ MBO Terminal 2

So (most of) us the housemates had finished our family medicine end of posting exams on Tuesday. Suddenly I heard that we were going out for Thai food with another batchmate June, my neighbour Roshnee and the 7th housemate (since he's here so often) Benedict and I  went O.o (coz I already had food), but I went along as well. Thai food was reasonable, no pictures. 

Then later Ben decided that he wanted to watch Tintin, and settled on MBO Cinema @ Terminal 2 coz it started 1/2 an hour earlier than Jusco Sban cinemas.

Posing with the poster of the movie. 

Someone said like little kids, but ah well, sometimes you gotta let lose a lil, no? 

I gotta a minor, wait, MAJOR rant though. Among the many cinemas I've been to, I find the cinema @ MBO seremban the most ridiculous of all. They charge for toilet usage, 20cents/entry. Ok, a guy's gotta go when a guy's gotta go. You would expect it to be at the very least well maintained, no?

The toilet stank, the place was dirty, and there were NO toilet rolls or paper in sight! Such horrible "service". I vote for GSC or TGV 's toilet anytime, its well maintained, clean and pleasant even! And no stink...

 The only picture with all 8 of us in sight 

Albeit CS's face is a little hidden. Fun fact, All 8 of us squeezed into Ben's CRV. Crazy times, where everyone smells each other's smell or odour of smelly shirts. . .  :O

 Ben's awesome photo taking skills

Sacarsm of course, when 1 person's face is cut off. Somehow even with the I phone I find the pictures grainy and not of the best quality. Then again, memories are what matters most.

Anyway! My review of The adventures of Tintin: 6/10. 
Graphics were above average, as they managed to make it somewhat old school. Story was...predictable, although some fighting scenes were interesting and kept one with bated breath. Kinda found the main character, Tintin kinda annoying. . . Would I want to watch it again? Probably not, once more than suffices.

19 th Jan 11

Today was a good day.

SOPD (Surgical Outpatient Department) we had about 8 cases or so, and all were pretty interesting. It was a wide variety of stuff where you finally go "ooh, yeah I know bout this!" in a day. And I was happily flipping through past Ultrasound scans of normal and pathological images of kidneys, bladders, prostate... falalalala

Then had MacD for lunch - I probably wouldn't go back there in a long time...everything has shrunken in size. not worth the money d lah >:( ...then went and got SHOES!!! :D something that I like, and at a cheap aka reasonable price I would pay for. Makes the pair of shoes I bought last Sat (a few days ago) look ex(pensive) lah. But cant un-buy the first...so whatever lah! :D

Then had suturing class. Loved it - it rocks! Suturing on chicken skin with surgical stuff...haha love the feel :D 

Went for badminton but was pretty much tired out at the end of the day. Ah well, a day well spent :) 

Till next time

Of birthday cakes, lame jokes, celebrations and most of all...good friends.

Of birthday cakes, lame jokes, celebrations and most of all...good friends. 


How can I but be amazed and blessed by His grace. I'm officially 1 year older, and each day I'm just as blessed. Birthday cake from the family, housemates+neighbour housemates + slice of cake from housemate and mate...

And the many many wishes throughout the day, no matter whether through phone, sms, facebook msg / wall, all the way from overseas, outstation(now that I'm in Seremban)...

Thank you everyone. And I believe in my heart that each year, each day, I will slowly learn to take off on eagles wings, slowly learn to spread my wings.... =)

December...or whats left of it?

No...this place isn't dead :D

Its just that mua has been busy, and many things /events have been happening.

Can't believe December shot by...got what, 2 days left?

Lets just say...mua needs to buck up. Like, seriously. Or else can throw myself into the ocean.

So yeah. Been experimenting on lots and lots of food, from chinese to western. I actually like cooking, using the oven...:D the only pains include preparation (like washing every leaf of each vege) and waiting for food to defrost because I am oh so impatient.

On my side, I've just started surgery. well, 2nd week into surgery already. Still feel like a rookie / noob/ newbie, apa pun tak tahu...






All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes...

Tale of too many mosquitoes ]=

Tale of too many mosquitoes ]=


1089214 mosquito bites everywhere, especially the legs. red spots everywhere, itching like... many many many ants biting and not going away. Booooooo ): ): ): ): ):


Tale of too many mosquitoes?


...Basically summed by 1 phrase:



I HATE U GUYS. ALL OF YOU.


ktxbye ):

The Seremban Chronicles Continue...

Finally! Some pictures that I'm happily uploading :D

Cendol @Haji Sariff

Cendol(normal) was good. But the company was what made it worthwhile. :)

 Ellysyia @ Kampung Angkat Sejagong

Again I was placed in a semi-modern house...in a kampung. Haha. Anyway its true...that the villagers accept people with open arms and open hearts. And what we gave is nothing like what we got in return...be it the hospitality or care or even material wise. they may not have much, but they give freely...

MunYee@ KKS 

A super cute adorable girl whom I was able to "bond" with during her 1/2 hour visit to the clinic. She's 4, and her mum is only 19! Her hyperactive self and not-afraid-of-anything + cheeky personality reminds me of my past(or what I hear of my past)...

On a lighter and random note, the other 3 girls (instead of just 1 initially) in the seremban pink party house is officially "taken" aka attached... :D

1+1 = ?

Oh the horror :O

Aliaa

As I walked by Kenny Rodgers @ Seremban Jusco yesterday, I saw a girl that resembled closely(coz im really not sure) a patient who had been hospitalized for close to 1 month. She came in pretty sick, and slowly became better over the next few weeks, before she was discharged. 

That girl was eating, with her friends.

And suddenly I wondered how all "my" patients are doing. For all the time they stay in the hospital, all the time we painstakingly "stalk" their every history and do invasive investigations... our motive was, and will always be just to get them to get better, to be able to lead normal lives outside. 

...And maybe that's why I live. 

It feels like Saturday

Case summary is a pain in the gluteus maximus. How many hours and days just agonizing over it, trying to write something coherant, something complete. annoyingness ><.


On the bright side, my computer's Avira has been UN-installed, and the annoying "trojan" that apparently when googled is a gimmick to make me buy the original product (Which kept appearing way too often) is now gone! :D no more annoying "virus detection" sound :D

BAD-minton? not bad at all...

Just back from badminton. It was...actually fun despite my super resistance initially to go.


*pauses, lost for words*


you know the times where you've got so, so much hidden inside your heart but you open your mouth and no words come out?


This is one such time.



"He will cover you with his feathers, 
   and under his wings you will find refuge; 
   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. "

Walking Talking Laughing

Of uninterrupted long walks(by mosquitoes and what nots), beautiful nature, good friends, nice food, simple joys.


Somedays, much as I try I'm just not able to wipe that childlike grin off my face. :)

nameless

No one ever said transition was going to be easy.

wake me up when september ends...?

It seems like eternity I've been here. And yet. And yet... I know I'm not entirely settled yet. Esp after going home for 2 days then coming back. The feeling is...not the best. Gotta adjust. Just like the times I just returned, I can't sleep properly, keep waking up throughout  the night.

Managed to draw blood. EASY ones. some poke patient's more than once and cause them pain, failed doctor :(  my hands shake like crazy even tho I don't want it to. so much for thinking of doing surgery. or maybe I just to give myself some time. I'm probably one of the worst and slowest students around. But I will try, and hopefully be the best I can...

Still can't but feel wee bit dejected. Seriously. Everyone has their own challenges some are "harder" than the rest? I don't know what  to say except that God, help me...

NEARLY lost. gosh.

Was walking back to the car with my phone in hand.(BAD move. I so should NOT do it). got into the car, dropped in into my lap on the labcoat i was carrying.

Then I got out of the car to open the car door behind me.

"Eh, borrow phone, my phone no credit"...my friend went bout 5-10 minutes later.i was going to pull out my phone and suddenly I just could NOT find it. I sorta freaked inside, since this isn't the first time in a short while I lost something important...again :/

Retraced my steps back to the car park bout 3 mins away, and it was under the next car, just beside the wheel. Reverse the car(thank God we finished early no one was out yet), and my phone is gone.

Really really thank God. Seems like even when I'm unaware He does care and watch out for me. Just a phone, but its important...I so need bigger pockets :/

passing thoughts

Different things remind me of different people I love and miss. I seem to see them (and then end up disappointed coz obviously its not them) so many places... :(

"SHIT! MI!"

On call tonight. Went to A & E instead of wards. What to do? A &E my "first love" (or one of it).

Did another ECG today. Non supervised one, I mean. ACS (Acute coronary syndrome). Ok lah. Ran over to ask stupid question, but was ok in the end.

Then there was another Indian male that needed an ECG. All my friends were crowding around him.

So I thought ok, I'll just let them do it and keep my mouth shut. Slowly find leads, slowly print the paper...

Then they asked me how to operate the thing (what the doctors want). And then the ecg it din't come out nice. But instead of reading what I could, I decided to redo. The 3rd time the doctor came over, and while i was telling him "not really nice" he was scanning through the leads he then went : "SHIT! MI!"( MI - Myocardial Infarction aka heart attack).

And when he was scanning through I saw the ST elevation. I felt like "..."

Later on the poor patient was counselled on treatment and possibilities etc, and finally went I left he was just intubated. Hopefully he recovers. He has a family waiting for him...

Moral of the lesson, at least for me: Emergency Department, you really gotta take things seriously, and a bit faster. You never know that few minutes could actually help the patient? Just my 2 cents, at least.