The new (raw meat) doctor in the house!

As of today (28/2/13),its Dr Joanne Lee :D It sounds awkward and will take some getting used to (Not used to hearing that yet), buts its a good feeling...

What I wrote on facebook: 

 " No words can describe my relief at the moment, and the only thing in my mind is its a new beginning now...It's truly by God's grace and by His strength alone that I pulled through! Thank you family, lecturers, friends and my fellow colleagues, it's been a roller coaster ride but it's great to be at the peak! As of now, unemployed, and happy :P "

And I meant every word I said (whether personally, on stage or on facebook) - that it's been a bumpy ride. True enough, sweat, tears, pain (lots and lots of each) was involved in the final piece of paper that we got. Glad that people around me, my other half, housemates and good friends all made it through! :) 

Thank You God! For Your never ending grace, mercy, love and strength, for believing in me and loving me even when I give up on myself so many times.

Doctors of C2/10!! :)

Congrats C2/10! Its been an amazing roller coaster ride with each and everyone of you, initially 220 people (including the ones who went overseas) with the remaining 97 Seremban students who made it(still the biggest batch in history!), who topped records with 100% pass during sem 7 and sem 9! :)



ps: I know the road ahead is long, hard and windy, and I have a lot in my head now...But I'm gonna choose to stop for a while to celebrate and savour this moment before the rest comes... Dr Joanne Lee aka Dr Jojobear ok! :D

A legend

The man himself, Professor Emeritus Dr Alex Delilkan 

For the past 2 weeks, I was fortunate enough to meet a legend of the country, Professor Emeritus Dr Alex Delilkan. He's a former national cricket player who captained the country to many many victories, and also the anaesthesiology  professor from UM and also a visiting professor in my uni for many, many years now.

I sat through 2 Wednesdays with him, which reminds me alot of "Tuesdays with Morrie". The reason being these old gentleman have lots of stories and lots of wisdom to share, if you would only listen.  He was opinionated about so many things, from the political situation in this country all the way to the twinning programs of universities (haha, my uni for instance). The thing that struck m the most was how such a knowledgeable man like him could be so down to earth, and how he...wasn't rich :P

His constant joke (until it kinda got stale) was that he was so poor he had to eat mee goreng kosong coz uni's don't pay him enough. And yet what I found amazing about this guy was that he lives on his means, doesn't complain, and still works...at the age of 78!!(if I remember correctly) At this age most people are either old and sitting at home just watching the grandkids or rotting away... :O

A bunch of thoughts

A month later (wait, make that 2) and yes, I'm back with an emo post.

Ah! Life. Don't get me wrong...God has been really good and has blessed me so, so much. He blessed me with a dinner with my loved ones at the luxurious Ben's at Publika noy just once but twice; and another trip to singapore with free accommodation and 2 A Reserve tickets to watch Wicked the musical, which is admitedly, really good. Despite the hickups... God is and always has been good.

Just finished my clinical exam for medicine today. And make no mistake, when the lecturer said "I think you did well" (which somewhat mirrored the exam the last time), I'm really not sure if she was just trying to placade me. Because when I looked back, there were really things that I din't know and din't answer correctly. Made me realise, yet again, how woefully little I know in medicine!

Again, its the time of the semester when everyone is scrambling to change groupings. Perhaps due to my OCD-ness, I always find it hard to adjust to new environment. I secretly (and maybe not so secretly) think I have prolonged adjustment disorder each time. I can't help but feeling stressed in a "new environment",despite it being the same 100 (rotating) batchmates. It really is hard for me get used to a new place/people, and when I finally settle down...Things move on again. Way too fast for my liking :(
Its time like this when I really miss my best buds, esp the one in Leeds uni. I remember how we used to be inseparable, and I imagine that if she is here, we will probably be inseparable. We'll probably push each other to talk to patients etc, which probably will be better for each other :P She'll probably layan my lame jokes and antics, we'll probably sushi every other day. Nah, I kid. (Sushi is expensive!!!)

But yes. Its not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact, I have no reason to be, God has blessed me so. Perhaps, me, just like many others are falling into the trap of evying others life, or thinking "what if". But if you watch grey's anatomy a few episodes ago, they say that things would ultimately have played out the same way. Perhaps its true, coz nothing that happens is "incidental"; it is all permitted, crafted by God. And eventhough I may not see the plan at the moment, God can already see the end...

So yeah. Maybe I just need to sort out my feelings. Of the past and the present, because the past cannot be reproduced, and the present is ahead and holds much at stake. The memories of the past should serve more to brighten my dark days, not make me feel emo and longing. (Although, like I said, its hard for me to "move on". I am perhaps moving with the flow while subconciously trying to fight it.) The memories that I shared with the people I love and cherish evermore need to always be stored in that precious little corner of my brain, while I trudge on bravely. And may I remind myself, that I am never, ever alone( although many a time I may feel so).

Nowadays I find myself wondering many many times why I chose medicine. I'm not the only one. Discussing it during skype one day, my bestie and I agreed that if time were to be turned back, we would still have made the choice we made. How stupid right? To fight with the 7802560602589568263 people whom blindly choose medicine not knowing the amount of sacrifice, the amount of sweat, tears and heartache, and the somewhat bleak future for the medical profession that is slowly losing its prestige. To be one of the small fry that does all the work with a "glamourous"( actually, the lowest ranking, lower than amoeba in the food chain) name; to battle the workload and mounting pressure and if more serious, depression. To have more dark days than good, and not being sure what there is to look forward to. Call me a pessimist, but if you, like me are purely average(or less than that), you know that life is hard as you compete with the thousands and millions of braniacs who have chosen the same profession as you.

But as I pour out my frustrations, I am reminded by a loved and honoured person in my life, that my life is in God's hands. Promotion, whether fair or not. Welfare. Future. And more. God has and will pull me through the darkest days of my life. Because though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. And I always, always need to remind myself that the constant in this life is not death or tax (you have conquered them all), but You. That one day I can look forward to resting in Your house, and celebrating with You forevermore.

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come. Longing just to bring, something, something thats of worth, that will bless  your heart. 

Saw many of my juniors prom photos. Ah, those were the times. I love them (Still) and miss them so much. But I think that they have moved on in life. I miss hanging out with them, sharing each other's life story; I miss making them brush each others teeth while singing "old McDonalds  had a farm" with foam flowing from their mouths. I miss being the "guinea pig" while they made me up for my prom, trying on diff shoes , different shades of makeup. I miss all the lunches and the library hangouts, I miss talking about everything under the sun.

Not that I love my current housemates any less. When the Seremban chapter is over and done with, I know I'll also miss them, since people are moving away and nothing is confirmed. When everyone is in different places doing housemanship. But I'll always remember and miss most the time and the energy, and the heart invested into different people's lives.

And although I don't know how they are doing, they seem to be doing just fine. And even if they may(or have) forgotten me and that I am no longer a part of their lives, if there is one thing I want them to know is that I love them and will always miss them, and they have been an amazing part of my life where I wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

Of Good Friends who Defies the Law of Distance

Of Good Friends who Defies the Law of Distance

Beautiful girls in my life =)

Managed to take a pic :) Just because you're not here doesn't mean you're less awesome ok.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder...but in my limited experience, sometimes the fire just dies out too. You know, LDR's...your "I'll never forget u my high school bff!!!" stuff...

Met up with many juniors and friends at IMU last friday. met them in bout less than 3 hours, with the few only few 10s of minutes...but it was really awesome to see their faces, to hear their voices and to talk to them face to face...certainly there were some changes( like the original plan of jamming tak jadi)...but it was a great time of catching up and just "rekindling" the fire of friendship with these awesome awesome people. These are my beautiful friends, who make an enormous impact in my life. :)

In fond memories of...

I was chatting with a friend and noticed that he had linked me. He's got a new blog, and a very well thought out one, in my opinion! :) Welcome to the world of blogging, Tej! :) 

I then saw that a mutual friend of ours, Tay had actually blogged bout my farewell here( bittersweet memories... >< ) He's a super duper amazing photographer, just in case you guys were wondering. And more than that, he's an amazing amazing friend whom I cherish and miss just like the rest of them back in IMU BJ.

You can get to their blogs by clicking on their names above. I've already linked them both in the sidebar too =)

I cant but marvel at this photograph. It brings back so, so much fond memories captured of 2 besties sharing a moment together. *nostalgia*

the 2 of my besties back in IMU. they are AWESOME. Hurt them and you die. I MEAN what I say. (wah ganas...but then again, who would protect them if I dont?) 

And some of the amazing people who made it for the "farewell". These people (and those not in the photo as well) I truly sayangs betul betul. It was one of the hardest (but inevitable) thing to do, by leaving to seremban.

  

But friends are forever no? Wherever they are, I know I'm missing them and loving them, and that they always have me to fall back on if they ever need to. Thats what friends are for - they stay when everyone else have left... 

Lots of love and hugs, 

Jo

Sem 2's Survivor's story

This is dedicated to my beloved sem 2 friends (and juniors, which in this case is apt).


"Once upon a time, there was this girl who was wanted to "be a doctor". She was just fresh from college, raring to do medicine. She happily enrolled herself in none other than IMU.

Semester 1 came and went, with herself barely studying. The last 3 weeks before exams she "played slides" everyday. Summative 1 came. She passed...but barely.

Semester 2 commenced. She resolved to STUDY her ass off. Didn't even join orientation - only did first aid for the juniors. Studies? Oh, stress levels were high...probably synonymous to the pressure cooker enough to cook a huge chicken. He memory was somewhat like "Touch and go" - study and forget. Or rather, study and remember for 293seconds, then forget.

Believe me, it was one of the most stressful and painful periods of her life. All around her people asked each other simple questions - like "name me 3 features of the large intestine". and her mind will go blank, she'll panic. worst still, she was studying "randomly" - din't even know things in the study guide (wait, there was a study guide? :O )

She crashed. So. so many times. Tears, dark eye circles like nobody's business, zombie-ing days, no difference between nights and days... the routine was stare at notes / fall asleep / stare at notes/ go to toilet with notes... with no avail. (Since nothing was retained in the mind.). The fear of failure naturally loomed at the back of her mind, haunting her every thought and action...

So yes. that was the 3 month nitemare( or somewhere there). to cut the long story short, her friends ( a few of them) were her solidarity, who supported her through the whole "ordeal". The "library gang" would encourage each other, have dinner together from all the godness-knows-how-healthy-roadside-food and then continue studying till the Indian aunty will knock the cup rhythmically calling out "library closing! library closing!!!" ...

The exam came, and the exam went.


And she passed. Not by herself - by the grace of her God ; and also because of her amazing friends who were amazing enough to share and care unselfishly - not just knowledge but the social support of just being there for each other. The sincerity when one genuinely goes "oi you BETTER study" instead of "don't worry, i din't study also" which obviously would be a lie.  "

Hope. Faith. Love - Just hang on, finish strong!

I know I suck at writing. Bottom line is this - I've been there before, I know entirely how it feels. I'm the border line student who hangs on by bare thread thin line... I guess in the end, you just throw up your hands and go "I've done my best, this is it". As long as you know you've given it your all and you ever don't throw in the towel - to me that is success. Don't bother comparing with others - there will always be people better than you (and likewise, not as good). Do it for yourself, so that you can be proud of yourself. Do it for the hopes and aspirations of the future - your future patients deserve your time and dedication and hard work you put in now.

And don't lose sight of the whole picture - this is but temporary. Get through this and you will look back and ask yourself "How did I get through this!?" and remember it as a bittersweet moment. Of course, the 2 month holiday is a very good incentive to look forward to as well...

But ultimately ask yourself this question - Is it worth it? Because if it is, I'll give it my all, no holding back. 
And if you ask me, someone who has been through the crap of Phase 1 - it is definitely worth it.

There are better times ahead. Look forward to that.


Love,
a survivor
(Excuse her - she hasn't written essays for ages)

NEARLY lost. gosh.

Was walking back to the car with my phone in hand.(BAD move. I so should NOT do it). got into the car, dropped in into my lap on the labcoat i was carrying.

Then I got out of the car to open the car door behind me.

"Eh, borrow phone, my phone no credit"...my friend went bout 5-10 minutes later.i was going to pull out my phone and suddenly I just could NOT find it. I sorta freaked inside, since this isn't the first time in a short while I lost something important...again :/

Retraced my steps back to the car park bout 3 mins away, and it was under the next car, just beside the wheel. Reverse the car(thank God we finished early no one was out yet), and my phone is gone.

Really really thank God. Seems like even when I'm unaware He does care and watch out for me. Just a phone, but its important...I so need bigger pockets :/

passing thoughts

Different things remind me of different people I love and miss. I seem to see them (and then end up disappointed coz obviously its not them) so many places... :(

Internal Med

Internal Med

Actually like internal med. Then again, I expected I would like it. BUT, tbl's? different story.

Still much adjustment to be made. Still lost around wards (altho i do like it) but I would love to start doing procedures (like assisting in the ECG today, thanks to my nursing friend). So far cases I've seen have been pretty ok, really thank God for that. (I mean, I feel sorry for the patient. I'm just grateful I have the chance to see these patients to enhance my knowledge and experience).

Slowly my friends are leaving one by one. Ash leaves tonight, Sooky left already. Both UK pple. Now, our gang is complete here in s'ban, save for Sook. :'( But it's ok. Its not goodbye, I believe.

Learning to be generous and patient in dealing with life. By that I mean housemates / people etc. Learning to give and take, to smile and not take offences (compared to younger days?) and much much more. Learning humility and much much more.

Will update soonish. Have a safe flight Ash, you will be missed. Sook, I hope you're doing well there. Boring? we're crazy busy right now. But still miss you guys!

ps: during tbl today the patient's heart monitor sounds "tut...tut...tut..." sound was sorta "ringing" in my head. Does ward rounds do this to you?

Nearing the End

So many things to do all of a sudden. I wonder if I'll get to bed tonight (tho I'm sitting on my bed)... I'll probably sleep out of exhaustion. 

Packing is still being done. Wasn't home the whole day, but it was a good day. Met some people I haven't see in a while, celebrated ChengChun's birthday cum Chill 1st anniversary, went to the dentist aka awesome Sab at IMU for a proper checkup after 15 years (yes...how shameful eh), and had a farewell dinner for the UK bound people who are leaving in these 2 weeks.

Group photo of all the MEDT108 attendees! Really gonna miss all these people :')

My own farewell by Sexiest + Cobra's + Chill(?)  is gonna be tonight. I'm gonna move stuff to Seremban in the morning / late afternoon, so I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I can come back in time!
Will update more when I actually can. Hoping there are no waterworks that are unnecessary...

Packing

Packing

Sooky is right...closer to exams / when we're stressed out bout something our usage of facebook/ blogposts increase. It is as if stress is proportionate to Facebook / blogging :P

Been somewhat packing today. Sorting out clothes to bring to Seremban. True, I may not have so much problem (like luggage weight prob) like those going overseas...but I still do have to pack and its not easy. "Splitting" oneself, the memories, the everything into half...Somewhat. I'm just not sure what to expect. Sighs.

Tomorrow night we're having a farewell dinner for those UK bound people whom are leaving in these 2 weeks. A sense of lingering sadness, of fondness of the many memories shared. Why is it that people always have to leave??

And Thursday night, is my own "Farewell" with my beloved "juniors". I've took them as my friends all these while. Apparently the venue hasn't been set yet since a current head count of 64 people are going. If you ask me thats crazy...Its like having a mini wedding reception :O Talk bout when one REALLY gets married :-O
I don't know how one person is gonna talk to like , 60+ people at a time. SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE. Lol. haha.

The crazy things we do. 

I'm...gonna miss these people. These people who have brightened my days, these people who kacau me puas puas, these people whom I love and love me too. These people whom I have opened my heart and shared my life with. It is not goodbye...coz good friends stay together through the years, distance and time notwithstanding...

My very first (and last?) treasure hunt in IMU BJ. 

...My room is in an utter mess... Just like the condition of my heart. 

Half baked potatoes aka convocation

Half baked potatoes aka convocation 

2.5 years of medical school, of pre-clinicals in IMU. Today we celebrated the end - We made it through phase one!!! But at the same time also it is a transition, and a tough one - taking up a huger responsibility as a student doctor, where lives of people are involved. 

101 feelings I felt today, sitting as a "graduate" of ME108 Phase 1 convocating class ... bittersweet mostly.  

Beloved parents + 2 of my besties Ash and Sooky :)

Will update more later with more photos and what nots. But I must tell you that I was really, really touched that my juniors namely Siew See, Ruby and Fida self assembled the bouquet of flowers + graduating bear you see in the picture and presented it to me!

Thank you all of you guys for making my 2.5 years memorable. I really love you guys, and will miss all of you...

Embracing August...

And before I know it, 1/4 of August has passed. Very very soon its gonna be end of August, which also signifies the end of my holidays...and the start of a grinding 2.5 years in Seremban as a clinical student. One step closer to the doctor I've always wanted to be...but I can only imagine(for now) the amount of grueling training and the immense sacrifice we the students will have to make. Having said that, I'm only the wee-est(if there is such a word) bit excited. Most of me just does not know what to expect, what to anticipate.

What have I been doing for the past 1 week? "mourning" for my lost stuff. Hence the sounding from Fifi telling me "I wanna see a happy post, I don't care if lame". But the fact is that those were my most prized possessions...  how to not feel sad over them?

NEARLY am at the "last phase" of sorting out accommodation issues in my future house. Fingers crossed, will be signing the tenancy agreement this coming week. Then there is the issue of furniture...like the fridge. To get a 1 door fridge? and bed frame etc etc etc? haha. and the proper "moving in". So yes, time to get busy busy busy again...

Plans this week : hoping to  make a trip down to either PD aka the polluted seas of port dickson(unless we can find a not polluted one...any ideas? or a Melaka trip(for the food lah, duh). Not exactly going there to see Mahsuri / the A Famosa / the whats-it-called-i can't remember drain well XD Sorry lah, but seen once seen twice don't fancy it thrice. Or maybe the famous jonker street? we shall see :)

Till then...I'm gonna "enjoy" the rest of my hols... (Don't get me wrong, I really do find this it-doesn't-matter-what-time-I-wake-up and no-101-notes-to-finish life a rare bliss :P )

Random musings

Random musings

To be very honest, I have been doing nearly nothing but lazing /bumming around since I finished exams :D

First off, I moved my computer from the table to beside my bed, so I literally live beside my computer - That would probably explain my super prompt replies esp at Facebook huh ;p

Next , I just can't find the energy to do anything else - including reading a book (even novels). The sign of them just sends me to sleep. I haven't even watched Moulin Rouge which I downloaded weeks ago!! Instead, what I do is just close my eyes - "rest". The bliss of not having a 101 things to complete (well there are things I'm supposed to do which I'm sitting on, of course), such as the stack of notes to finish. I don't exactly miss that time ;p

Something random I saw on a shirt in a hypermarket

I do, however, miss my IMU phase 1 life, especially the library moments. Of sitting at the "gungho - sem 1 -study till 6pm " group aka Sexiest back in 2009 to the "fish market" table aka co13ras in 2010...I miss the moments. At times I'll just sit reflecting random moments like how "monkey" , "monster" and "nonsense" was the favourite words of Geena , Sofiah, Jolene and the other m109's, how Mae Yee will get bullied by the likes of Wei Hoong "Disgusting" ....to how the chatterboxes of my beloved co13ras will start chatting away in mandarin, and the random (girl's) "Tie Day".

I remember the moments where Ruby would just sit beside me as I stone, and force me to eat something as I barely had the appetite to eat(crispy chicken or a muffin)...to Hoong2's favourite repetitive term "Don't worry, be happy" and his all-time-lame sentence "I give you bile, make you smile" (or something along those lines). Those, and many more have been my comfort so so many times when I was too distressed to even speak.

MaeYee, Ruby, Hoong2. SeXIest lives on forever =)

Fast-forwarding to 2010, the appearance of "Mangkuk" and many many more. "lil bro" Sze Jun, we-love-hugs Alex, Sexy Jit Tong, Siew See(Sexy) , Mr. Intelligent - Thinkalot Shane, Turtle Pencil-case-always get stolen Crystal... and more. They cheer me up in so so many ways. I'm smiling as I remember how I'll give some of them (like Alex, Fida) a hug each day when we meet and when one of us is going home. Its a "routine" that I grew accustomed to looking forward to. How all of us would not hesitate to offer advice or help whenever needed. To be honest, I was pretty useless as a senior... I din't do anything for them. They (my friends aka juniors in Imu) instead were 1 of the greatest sources of sunshine in my life. :')

(Most of) The lot of them from the "fish market" table XD

I don't regret knowing anyone of them / all of you (Coz I'm not sure if many of you will ever read this)... It is truly a great honour and privilege of mine to know all of you, who you are, sincere and real people. You guys leave me nothing but fond memories, and the amazing feeling of being immensely blessed by knowing each and everyone of you. :)

The practice video of variety night. It was funnier during practice somehow. 

Sorry for the quality...people were moving about

Here is something I never posted up for all of you to watch, the variety night practice video. Its the best I could take... ps: Here at least it's SCIENTIFIC breakthrough not medical breakthrough that earned us a QC ;P And I can't help but laugh at the stupid dance moves everyone was making at the end to the song "Umbrella" XD

Relief

Relief

I can finally say I feel slightly relieved right now. Today, I declare, is a good day. =) And I hope it stays the same for the week, the month(s) and year(s) ahead :)

Finally sorta finalized the accommodation for Seremban. Gotta admit that working with people (4 other housemates) is challenging. A lot of tolerance, give and take, and heartache is involved. But ultimately, I know these people for 2 - 3 years already... And I know they're good people. Just different people have different quirks and fancies....which we'll have to get used to when staying together.

Its been a week of staying at home for me. Well not exactly, since I've been having a 2 hour per day refresher course for driving for the past 3 days including today. It ended at 9.45am this morning. Yes, waking up to alarms these 2 days...uggghhhh D: But I can say that I can drive now :) pretty confidently? back/ reverse park, hill / upslope even during times of traffic jams... :D cause for celebration haha.

thinking of taking up random part time jobs. preferably ushering jobs la. that I know I can, looking around for these 1-3 days contract thing since I daren't commit fully.

Genting trip is next wednesday...hopefully finalized :) waiting for replies, then can go buy tickets already. Ahhhh, time with my batchmates :)

*This is such a scatterbrain post, just like the others*

wrote down a list stuff I need to bring /get / pack / buy for seremban. I'm not sure how I feel actually...its a mixture of feelings. Oh the room is pretty big tho so if anyone wants to come crash you're always welcome... :)

Things I've done this hols:
- Finished a 6- hour driving refresher course
- Watched a few movies - Toy story 3 (loves loves loves), Dear John, The Notebook, Hairspray, REwatched the sound of music (many many times! coz the mucic is awesome), How to tame a dragon...
- FINALLY filed up my sem 5 notes
- kept my fingernails long .I can pluck (guitar) now :D even songs like Hallelujah. haha.
- Went Karaoke for the first time with Ange / Kel / Eewei / Morgan / Sam for the first time, IOI Red box. Pretty fun..some got hidden talents like rapping hahaha
- went house hunting 2 days in seremban. so yeah...thats done.
- Went back to IMU to help juniors with patient interview (hopefully it helped them , I know I tried my very best writing cases for them and commenting on how to improve). matter of fact is that many doctors nowadays fail to properly interact with patients. I can't say I'm the best, but I'll definitely try to be a doctor who knows her stuff and cares for the patient as well.  - and also help with CSU practice. I could finally see the difference after 1.5 years doing csu. There is difference between sem 3 and sem 5. Again, cases and techniques. I'm honoured to have taught these people tho I know I have lots to learn myself.
- Semi - cleared my bed (meaning I still need to clear , lah)
- Semi - cleared my table (lies ....it looks just as messy as it was when I was studying :/ )

What I want to do:
- Go running. Properly. Havn't done so in a few months...and I love my running shoes.
- Go Genting! (well its the friends that matter. really...I always go genting ,so its not genting that attracts me)
- Stand in a windy place (Say a sandy place / fields) and blow bubbles (you know , the little bottles of coloured soap water you used to blow as a child? )
- change my blog layout. Got ideas but no skill. Anyone care to help? :(
- hmm actually cant think. haha
- tbc - to be confirmed :P

Hopefully no one was reading on till this long. People have always always commented that I write too long? The thing is, this is my blog. A place where I 'spill' whatever I wanna say , irregardless of what people think (of course, writing with consideration to others feelings as well, to a certain extent). The reason why it's actually so long is coz I pent up things inside. like a bottle filling up? Then it sorta "Explodes". Not the best thing to do tho....

Remember the mixed feelings I said I have. Some reasons I will not care to elaborate, but others...I'm gonna miss a lot of people from IMU. From my batchmates esp some of them, my orientation groups and the individual people...there are too many to name. Sexiest, and the likes rocker mommy / ever amazing jamming buddy Ruby , Eldwin, Chill, my "cute little brother" Cheeyip, Cobras, with the many many people like mangkuk Fida , introspective Shane, "chinese" brother wedeling aka Sze Jun, mirror Jit Tong, and many many many more whom if I have to list, I'll probably have pages full(depending on the size of the paper :P )

*heaves a sigh*

am lost for words for the moment. lost in thought...

Sneak peek of where I'll be for the next 2 years. lol

post eos5

POST EOS 5

I can't believe its been a week since the BIG EXAM in IMU, EOS5. This time last week Sooky and I were still trying some last minute practice on my beloved juniors. I tell you, I have juniors who rock. I can practice csu/ osce in the library and the pbl room as much and as when I please. Lol.

Anyway, pms results are out for everyone else. Why everyone else? Coz I'm part of the local programme, I already knew my next 2.5 years destination since sem 5 began, unlike the anticipation my pms friends had to go through. Congrats to most of my frenz who got their 1st/ 2nd choice...and even those who din't get their top few choices but got pretty good schools too. It is pretty ironic that you can set your mind to a certain continent / country...and be sent to the other :D haha. only IMU can do that to you. But in the end you realise that all is for the better?

went out a few time so far. Pizza hut lunch / midvalley walkabout + ice-cream dinner with sooky, / A - team movie + sushi / bangsar banana leaf + shopping + mango ice cream shake! awesome stuff I tell you. most pictures are with Sooky with her sexilicious camera... :D so we shall wait. I have a few which I will post up :D

My shopping kaki :D 

I think the expression on the cute paper bag that Ash's holding sums up our feelings aptly that day : ) 

I like the this picture - it has our drinks / desserts, and Sooky in a never-seen-before-cute-pouting-face :p

Oh just so you know...the mango ice cream Sooky and Ash had was called "dress me up" (coz it has mango pieces. the "bare" one with just mango is called "Yo Naked". hahaha I rememeber all of us having a bit of difficulty reading out the name when we first went there during my birthday celebration. haha. (Now we read without batting an eyelid :P )

Ahhhh. Havn't gone out with her in a long LONG time. *hugs*

The last was sem 4 with the likes of Dr Leow and what nots :P

Also had a pretty fun time "jamming" with Ruby in LT2 yesterday. Playing random songs from Edelweiss to "The moon represents my heart" (yeah old time chinese song) to Mandy Moore's "Only Hope" to the final big bang Switchfoot's "Dare you to move"...it was fun with Ruby on the piano and me on guitar. I have NEVER played so much or so hard for a long long time...welcome the calluses on my fingertips now hahaha.

We call each other mommy :) Love the way she plays the piano :)

We had a few camwhore shots before we left...I think this is the most "presentable" one hahaha. It was fun just chilling out, eating lunch, playing songs on our piano / guitar, singing and watching Ruby with her airguitar :) One heck of a rocker mummy :)


And tomorrow...the results are revealed. I wish and hope and pray for good results..all of us do. Dearest wish? Whole of M108 passes both theory and osce papers. That, would be a good dream come true :)

Myriad of feelings

Myriad of feelings

I felt the need to blog, despite knowing my feelings are more than mixed, carrying both happiness and at the same time, great sadness.

It's the last lecture (of IMU BJ) tomorrow. Another end to a phase -halfway through university. The thing is...half my close friends whom I treasure and love will be leaving across oceans and seas. The many good times and random moments with the people whom I have the honour and privilege to know and call friends, walking through many many highs and lows...I know this isn't the end, or so we say. But experience has thought me to be less hopeful, more realistic.

But the good times we all shared will definitely stay in my heart and mind - the happy times, emo times, lame joke times, makaning...


To be continued

Musings

*whistles*

its nearly the end of sem 5, and yet heavy lectures are dominating the day, along with multiple csu practices and of course, not-so-productive studying. I really feel like I remember nothing :/ which is REALLY REALLY B-A-DDDD       D:

I wrote something yesterday that I momentarily felt "bangga".... :P and it goes like this:

"Don't let what you can't do affect what you CAN do" - 

in relations to things we can/ cannot control. oh, now its copyrighted...by me :)


...7 days to summatives :s

Finally Updated

Warning: long post ahead. Not worth wasting time over.

Have been meaning to blog for some time now, but as I can see from the co13ra blog, my last update was more than 2 weeks ago.

Am at the “I’m not sure what to write” stage. I mean yeah, there are things I wanna blog about, but I’m not sure how I could ever write it out, express it in a way I want it to.

Lets start with something light then. I got a haircut. Which is nothing out of the norm, except that this time, everyone noticed (compared to the every time last few years). =.= reason being my fringe is short this time…Really short. Got various comments, from ok…to nice / modern to punk /rockstar and the most “cute” one…like little girl. Hahaha. Not sure how I’m supposed to react to this one. :P

MSK has officially been not very kind to me. I’m still bout 9 or so notes away from the completion of the system. The same goes for GI and Renal system. Talk bout discipline. Time REALLY flies when one is REALLY reading notes. Oh, it flies just as fast when I chill/ facebook/ daydream. Lolz

Library was relatively quiet today. Not so empty, but quieter. The library sound machine took a break I guess? Haha. Fell asleep on the muscles notes by SMM. Dislike. Thought I’ll be fine after that, but who knows I still fell asleep in front of the Dean during pbl (He’s the faci). Geez. Talk bout my body NOT being cooperative. Thank God I wasn’t embarrassed / he din’t make it embarrassing for me. For that I am thankful. Even lecture this morning despite it being one hour I still zoned out and went fishing =.=

Many people have noticed that I was not my usual self for the past I’m not sure how long. I know I held it in a lot. Many issues and thoughts on my mind, ranging from studies and more were just playing back in my mind like an mp3 set on repeat on. At first I din’t try to hide it, but then last week I decided that I’m gonna smile irregardless. Which apparently didn’t work as I’m an open book. My mother always tells me I’m super transparent in the sense I can’t mask my true feelings inside. What to do? I’m always true to myself. Although I wish I were a better actor :/

I’m not sure if I can bring myself to speak of some of the issues badgering me. But it actually took a part of me, so to speak. Not just once, not just twice, but thrice if I’m not mistaken did it even manifest in my dreams, for me to wake up and realize that it was but a dream. Apparently people usually don’t remember dreams unless its vivid or it means something to the person…I can remember mine.

Despite it being a decision I made knowing full well the aftermath, I still struggled. And I still do struggle deep inside. The many times I swallowed it in, consoled myself… the many times I told myself that the decision can’t be undone and is for the sake of not merely myself, but for a reason. The fact that it will affect others as well, and that’s the least I can do to not be selfish.

There are also certain soft spots, as I call it. Some were receptive enough to pick it up, and ingeniously “provoked” me into speaking it out. Albeit the scene wasn’t pretty, it was marred with much… I shall not continue to elaborate.

People have always been one of the biggest motivations I live for. Despite the fact that it is true the world has many types of people, and I daresay more superficial people than not who judge you by first impression…but I have always made it a point for me to try my best to not be that. To not judge for it is not my position to do so, but merely to love the person(s), and let that person know him or her holds a special place in this world and in the people’s hearts around him or her. For that reason I’ve always involved myself in activities that would allow me to know more people that I may touch their lives…knowing that on the way it somewhat destroys myself as the unbearable thought of parting never leaves my mind.

For that reason I’ve been wondering sometimes if I made the right choice. To know some awesome people knowing that I’ll end up being part of them but having to part later on. But for me, it was never a wrong choice. It was always a matter of how I would deal with it, that’s all. Some people always say why bother? You know you’re gonna have to leave, its all temporary. Perhaps, I say, perhaps. I know I may not be significant, but with that little bit that I am, I truly hope I made a little bit of a difference, by getting to know them, but joining in because the best way to love someone is to participate and be yourself + bring whatever one has to the table. Not that I want much…I just want them all to know that they will always have each other (and me, who will always be there, just not physically like before)…and that the friends who care for you and is a friend indeed is worth keeping and fighting for.

How much do you mean to me? I’ll answer this way - I would be honoured to lay down my life for each and every one of you. That’s how much you mean to me.

I’ll always be reminiscing the many (and countless) good times – the times messing around at the piano, just talking “nonsense” with each other, sharing our good / bad moments, sharing each other’s joy/ sorrow. Viva. Makan times. Walking along the escalator or in the lifts. Arguing whose the best _______(insert own argument here). Planning for the most random things such as ball make up etc. The calling of names that makes no sense. (Seriously…mangkuk? :O ) ; The joanne-athon times that had the sun shining down unmercifully on us. Tie days. Yelling out our cheer(s) like nobody else is present there. Singing on the bus / in the car with out out-of-tune voices. The many many pointless messages. The celebration of each others birthdays. And the list will only grow longer. :)

I’m not sure I can ever be fully prepared. Its just like entering into a new semester each time – you anticipate, you think you know what to expect…but you never fully comprehend it until you’re really properly there. I saw something that a good friend of mine, Dip posted on his facebook status last night – “Everybody’s afraid. The one who says otherwise is either a liar, or dead.” And frankly, though like many, I’ll never say it out loud – yes I am afraid. For I do not see what the future holds in front of me. I can’t see past the week; I can’t see past the night even. But its gonna be faith that leads me to trudge on. And love, because perfect love casts out fear. I’m just gonna take what I have, and whom I am, and walk straight ahead. And remember that there’re always gonna be another mountain, but I’m always gonna wanna make it move. And the fact that I’m never alone. Never ever.  Irregardless of what I feel or think.

…The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is still there. Fingers crossed. :/

Yeah, you thought right, this post took me an hour. And I hope none of you made it this far (I know people’s dislike towards long texts, which I’m hoping to catalyze upon to not read this post :D ). Random stuff: Nervous system module has 38 notes. I’m only done with what, 1 ? I havn’t ran for 2 weeks now. I’m wondering if I should. I borrowed 3 books from the library, in hope that it will aid me in my understanding of nervous system. We shall see. I lost my comb. Again :/ the thing I lose the most is my comb. How many combs I buy in a year all go missing. Its just that force that seems to want us apart…like how water is not soluble in lipid and vice versa :/ which isn’t aided by the fact that I prefer using my own comb over others, anytime.

On a colourful note, I (apparently) was the first non-indian (in IMU) to help out with the kolam decoration for the ICS Chithirai Puthandu(Tamil new year)  and Vaisakhi Celebration. It was a colourfully-messy business, with my hands to my fingernails soiled with orange and red buncho colour *runs around in glee chasing mangkuk* Haha but yeah. Sobana is a fantastic designer. Oh, and Shane helped out too! Like I like to put it - I'm colour blind :) So I yeah. Ironic huh :P 
But it was definitely a fun experience. Given my love for colours and arts and crafts :D

A whole load of jumbled up stuff

A whole load of jumbled up stuff 

Am feeling so dead tired at the moment. Nervous system is seriously sucking the life outa me. Not that I don't find it interesting...I do. but the lectures are all so so dense. On top of that, I'm 5 weeks to summatives and I'm not even touching MSK. Still got +- 8 notes in GI and renal just started off very slowly. I 'm NOT thrilled. 

Today I officially was relieved of my duties from Hydra House as its first secretary along with another super responsible and enthusiastic friend, Sook Yee. I'm glad that both of us managed to carry out our jobs well (I hope , at least). It was quite a bit of work initially, admittedly. And during the house cup, I had darts to worry about, and it took up a HUGE chunk of my time. I highly doubt I'll be doing it if I were in semester 5. I wish the new committee nothing but the best. But from the looks of it, it should be a good team and a good year ahead for Hydra. 

Hospital visit yesterday was...ok I guess. We met a patient with A HOST of problems. Its like whatever we ask he'll have positive "signs" (this pain that pain). but he was 81 years old, and an active sportsmen. When we asked him to bend down and touch his toes (as part of the Physical examination of the spine) , he said "1, 2, 3,4, 5, 6 you all challenge me? " in a joking tone...and bent down ALL THE WAY to touch the ground with ease. LEGS STRAIGHT. we were stunned. Later on when we tried ourselves we were not able to do it, and on top of that, was complaining of pain :P shame on us young people? 

At the same time, it was the 2nd time this semester going for hospital visit and having to stand for long hours. I really don't know how I'm to survive clinical school, especially the long hours standing and the early hours waking and late hours sleeping. Beats me. I often wonder how people do it...

And time and again I'm reminded by various things on how little time I have left in IMU BJ. Random friends status updates; the relieving of duties from the house; seeing my semester 1 juniors starting to study and semester 2 and 3 juniors studying hard...Many many things just trigger this thought and I can't help but sink into a basin of pensiveness. At least for a while. How have I done? Have I made a fool of myself? Have I hurt  more other's feelings more than I have made another happy? 

No one is indispensable, that I know. I don't expect people to remember me once I've left, but if there's one thing I hope I did, I hope I made someone feel that they are loved, no strings attached. I hope I did something that cheered up someone's day. I hope I was never stingy with hugs or time for any other friend. I hope I gave them reason to see why they are beautiful , special ,and one of a kind.

I am falling asleep. As usual , I sleep way before I want to. Today was not so productive. Tomorrow got pbl (research not done yet), and going for a run. That I'm looking forward to somehow.