Monday, September 22, 2008



Just watching the hustle and bustle around me... the lovebirds, more than that, the "library gangs".... brings back alot of memories so dear , so treasured...

saw 2 "big brothers" taking care of a "lil siz" (a year younger only), trying their best to make her feel better and all. Going out of their way to care. Can't help but feel wistful at the closeness they share, the intimacy, the unconditional love, the care.

I so so miss my dearest friends who used to rough it out with me, the meal times, pinch me even and kutuk and kacau me, lend me a shoulder to lie on when I'm tired (even literally), and the tons of stories we shared, the emotional rides at times, frustration, tears , embarrassment, the growing up... the misunderstandings even. Miss the times of heart to heart talks, the no-barriers, the no formalities. I miss it all.I know change is the only thing constant, but somehow I still find it too hard to come to terms with. :'(

Just Sayin


Random rattles

When I get married, I want sunflowers instead of roses -sunflowers are big, yellow and bright, and they remind us to always look towards the sun,just like they do!
(popped out last week on a random occasion)

Right now, the biggest desire in my heart is to be able to pass semester two EOS safely, and proceed to semester 3. *heaves a loooooonnnngggg sigh*

Signing out. The notes are beastly :'(

Thursday, September 18, 2008



Sitting in the library, blogging instead of studying. A million and one thoughts running through my mind.

I know I need to be more than this. But...

Standing alone, stiffling the hiccups that come between sobs... Even so many people thought I was "emo". How ironic.

Sometimes I wistfully wonder if life could be any different. Super brain, model attitude, happy go lucky, pure and innocent heart. I wish

If I could get tomorrows newspaper today. What would I do. Would I do it to benefit myself, or others. Would I go out of my way for others.

And the bz-ness doesnt help. Plus sickness, terrible cough and runny nose, fatique. Seriously hope its not a reoccuring sickness that was lying dormant.

Hospital visit, saw the extremeties. Birth, sickness, death. Saw the bathing of a deceased old man. Frail, skin and bones. Bodies in mortuary. Accident cases, HIV biohazards, etc. Life ends in a box?

The little babies under UV light, jaundice babies. From outside, saw a caesarian of an expecting mum. The joy later. (and the heartache a child brings along, too). chance to hold a baby, less than 10 hours old. Small, less than 2kg. The amazement, the fragility of a life. Much ahead for that little fellow.

Studies. Struggles. less than a note a day. I don't wanna go on anymore. Sniff. I know nothing is easy. Still. Reclusing seems what I'm doing. Sink into own blackhole.

Miss the warmth, the hugs, the presence. The reassurance, real reassurance that its gonna be ok. Feel so so far away. Miss the smile , the cargo pants, the same-colour-shirt days. Miss the hand running through my hair, the arms around my neck. The times spent. Baking, cooking, hang-kaing. The antiques that can send ripples of giggles , burst of laughter.

Its gonna be just a day right? These feelings are gonna go away right? Keep ploding on, one step, another, and another
And a friend, a dear friend came. asked how I was.

"I just thought I come here to pray with you."

I nearly crumbled.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Jigsaw Jumbled


I shall hereby grant you the joy...and pain...of reading the following message. warning: not for the fainthearted. (that was random)

Even as I write this, my uncle is downstairs sweeping my porch. I'm not sure what more to say. I don't not do housework...its jut that I find my time is limited. 5 weeks to summatives, 7 to EOS. Practically all sem 1 and 2 stuff to cover in such a short amount of time.

I don't mean to complain. Its just that at times, I feel like I'm really really sagging under the weight...I woudn't want to waste RM6ok. That would have been enough to hire 5 maids at least for the year. I'm worried. About my studies. And yet, I still try to chip in a lil here and there around the house.

Stumbling back home after my friend kindly dropped me off, each step was so painful to take. The uneven road added to the misery of a teenager, carrying a huge back and loads of notes and book. The sun shone so brightly on a day when the chosen clothing for the day was black. How wonderful.

To bless and be blessed. I believe many of us think we wanna/could do more. Maybe, if the world had more than 24 hours a day. And yet, and yet, nothing we can do to change thatfact. And time management is still the essence.

Sometimes I wonder if life can be much less complicated than this. It would make many happy. Simple joys suffice rather than elaborate, unsatisfactory lavish lifestyles/gifts/etc. But still, evolving along with the world is necessary. Woudn't want to get left wayyy too far behind, no?
And again reminded that we makes plans, but many times, do not have the final say. Reminded that as the heavens are higher than the earth, so is His thoughts higher than mine, or all of ours could ever be.

I'm glad I know the One who holds my future amidst these, and more uncertainties. Relieved that no matter how far I run, I can never be too far to turn back. No matter how much I give, I can never outgive the creator, the One who holds it all.

And as the curtains slowly draw towards the centre, and the music dies off, the sole actor stands on the stage, facing his audience. And the audience consists of but one, One who is smiling, clapping his hands and having the proud dad look in his eyes. To realise that all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, all was worth it for that one person who sat through the play and never left.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

happy :) :) :)

HAPPY :) :) :)

Happy for the weirdest reasons on earth. I finally got my name tag holder again! :) :) :) after 1 month (roughly that i went around with no name tag AND my name tag now is bent :( , and I even dropped my name tag in the library , the next day it was pasted at the glass door with face upfront, like some wanted person, embarassnya!!! :S :S :S HAHAHA but then din want to but from IMU, freakin 3.50 for the piece of synthetic!!!

went to my hometown, got a bookshop just open not too(i dunno when oso :O) long ago. just coz see like not so much business, pity him. ;p haha, random! coz d last time i went, binding was rm1, compared to photocopy shop, 1.80. cut throat imu! haiz

but yes, i got my name tag now :) :) :) no more feeling of something's-missing-emptiness ;p

Little joys :) :) :)

Thank You God

Saturday, September 6, 2008



Random stuffs. Still not sure what to think of my new layout.

Hmm, last few weeks was (a lil) hectic. Think its gonna be like that for the rest of the semester. I so so need to study >< Past weeks consisted of first aid training + test (it was hard ok), depression...and darts. Last minute "substituting" Sabrina (coz she still played in the end and also it did not seem that I was a sub but a real (one of the) main players. After not playing for like, a few months. You know what, I enjoyed it nevertheless. I realised that I needed to focus and the stress(a lil) to peform. Owh, and Sandip is a seriously awesome coach + friend.

Haha but seriously musing. I realised that God hears me, and He remembers what I pray, even my innermost thoughts. Even when I forget. Thats how great , awesome, mighty and powerful my God is. And yet He came down for us, and loves us as His own.:')

Random pics: my cousin sis :)Saya suka kamera lah :D (I like the camera)Nampak tak gigi comelku? (Notice my cute teeth?) :D "I'm a shopaholic." HAHAHA this is a pic of my bro. well, I'm guilty too ;p

Many things to be thankful for. SHA your life inspires me. miss 7am. SAB you seriously are too cute, too sweet for words! A*** ;p JOON all d best in sem 5 k, you can do it. DOROTHY hey how'r you doing? :D ASH you can do it :D JENE girl with extreme willpower and perseverance :o :p ESTHER go girl you make us proud, darts and all :) ELVYNA love yr card, yr heart! Thanks for being so faithful, you have blessed me beyond words :') SOOKCHENG you rawk girl! Thanks for who you are in my life..and bearing with my lame jokes (which I know can kill) ;p

for the people down under...
XX hey hey hot chick you you how're you doing down under? KARAM You're not stupid k, smartest fella who needs pushing now and then... CHICK Hope Tas is not boring you out, must remember to study, give your best in all you do! (including the other stuffs) RACH You're a youth, you have hope, coz hope resides in you :) Continue to rock on siz : o NICHOLAS CHEW I know their gonna say our love's not strong enough to last forever; and I know their gonna say that we'll give up because of any weather ; but how can they understand, that this love is just heaven sent; we keep on going on and on, coz this is where we both belong....

(not sure if you all read, but its ok :D)

You all(and the rest who I din't mention as well) rock wei :) Make my life beautiful with the little things that you all do in life, makes each day extra special :)

Friday, September 5, 2008

New Skin


Yep, a new skin.

All made possible coz of Sook Cheng. You're awesome la! Thank you so much.

The provious skin was removed from web hosting I think. The result? blog practically useless(cudnt see a thing).

So... comments appreciated (comment box, chatterbox etc). thank you for dropping by :)

ps: I know there are kinks that sometimes certain things dun load. All I can ask is just refresh your browser. Thanks :)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sunshine Smiles...

Just for you Ash, just for you :)

Sniffles won't dampen your day, coz I know you're stronger than that. Notes, Eos, stuffs, business...It won't crush you, coz when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. :o Yes, you're much much stronger than those. :) Hope you are encouraged :)

Hugz & lots of love,
Joanne :)

You'll be in my heart

PHIL COLLINS – YOU’ll be in my heart

Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry

For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us cant be broken
I will be here don't you cry

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart

Why cant they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they cant explain
I know were different but deep inside us
Were not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart

Don't listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
They'll see in time, I know

When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
They'll see in time, I know

Well show them together cuz...

You'll be in my heart
I believe, you'll be in my heart
Ill be there from this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart always

I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always