Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Won't deny that I did feel disappointed for a moment. Mild disappointment maybe, but there was a little.

Found out that there was supposed to be a meeting tomorrow. I would have thought that I'll be informed, even if the meeting is postponed. But as it is, its the authority of whoever who is higher to do what is he/she pleases, no?

Maybe I'm getting a lil worked up over something small. Reason being that when I do something ,I just want to do my very best. I expect at least some form Well maybe it isn't a trust issue, but I thought that at least the decisions made, at least I would know of it. Not having to get worked up and find out from a third party.

Not angry, but again wondering. Why do I always commit my best, give my best to whatever I do. Maybe I should pick and choose. Is this one?

Song playing: 21 Guns (Green Day), New Divide ( Linkin Park)

Song playing: 21 Guns (Green Day), New Divide ( Linkin Park)

Much time has passed. Each time, I'll just open my blog to check for any comments.(Which is not much). Contemplate whether to write something...And decide not to.

Tried to drive today. Fail, dad pronounced. Not safe, he said. Like this you'll probably never drive at all. Took the whole thing with a smile on the face, din't say anything. But minutes later after the whole thing, when I was recluse in my own room...I din't know what to feel. For the record, my dad came in and apologoised for "shouting" at me (like I said, I took it with a smile, din't blame / get angry at him...) but still a sense of...uselessness kinda sunk in a while. I looked at myself...and I see no talent. Someone struggling with all tries to do. Studies, driving, etc. And to say that I have the "courage", I daren't. I see myself giving up after some time, too tired to go on...

When life deals you with a lemon, what'dya do? Squeeze lemonade? But the strength to squeeze lemonade? Perhaps, just perhaps it'll come later, but for now, I don't see it... Short sighted I am.

I don't think I've kept myself at home so long without going out in a long time. Something that cheered me up a little was my visit to my former high school, where I finally claimed my spm cert. Wayyyyyy back, ain't I? Met up with some people I havn't seen in some time.

Apart from that, hols are....hols. Sleeping late everynight, coz can't seem to sleep. Morning wake up very late(11 am, 12am....) ...and the cycle continues each day. I should get down to changing it, but don't have the mood to at the moment.

Alot of things I planned to do din't materialise, naturally...Deep sigh. I've got only myself to blame.

Part of me wonders what I am doing, this year, this day, this life. Am I where I should be, where I could be? But past is past, one thing that does not come back is time. I'm supposed to aim ahead, but at the moment my mind is blank.

I wish I had a mind that had logic. That thinks, or the better word, analyzes. I don't want to be a substandard health care professional, don't want to be a menace to those of the road, endangering them and myself; don't want to live a battered, un-victorious life.

I know I take alot for granted. When one reads the newspaper one understands, one sees....The rice we eat, with the variety of dishes ; the roof over my head, and one that is more than comfortable; the luxury of connection to the world, internet, phones...

Help me to be the somebody that You want me to be, that You see already in Your eyes. And not by my own, coz' I can't do it. How I don't know , but I'm leaving that to You. Let my life be nothing short of victorious. Teach me to see myself through Your eyes. Because when I even start comparing, I fall short. I will never, never be good enough.

But through Your grace. I asked You how You could love us. What is so lovable about us, and Your reply is You see Your Son's sacrifice when You see us. And You being the just and Holy one, had to pay the price somehow. I asked how much I'm worth to You, and Your reply is that for me alone, You would send Your Son. Help me not take all these for granted, help me live the life destined for me , even before I was born, even when I was already fashioned in Your mind before I was conceived.

Make this life count in Your eyes, even if not in others. If tomorrow never comes, I wish, I only wish I have left no regrets...I wish that I have done my best to love and serve the ones who comes my way.

Time: 2.06 am

Monday, July 27, 2009

Really have alot on my mind, as usual.

It's 1.30am, again.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

this is funny. "tribute" to H1N1.and dengue

this is funny. "tribute" to H1N1. and dengue.


And in support of the dengue awareness campaign by the ministry of health and my beloved sem 1 juniors, here's a video, also by the same singers , mr brown

dengue go away :/

I cut myself while cleaning vege today :/

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Thank you...

Thank you...

Thanks for the phone call daddy.
You have no idea how much I needed it, though I'm one who won't say anything / ask for it.
Thanks for taking the initiative to care.
I know I'm so "transparent", my emotions are readable -____-
But still, thank you.
For everything =)


Thursday, July 9, 2009

9th july

The best marriage proposal

Results are out tomorrow >.< class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
The best marriage proposal
wonder if next time my future guy would be so sweet to do something like that hmm
so funny, but so sweet as well! If I, my face would have turned as red as a tomato! :)

Like this! :O

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

8th July

8th July in a nutshell

Went to uni. Heard Tun Dr Mahathir speak and have a dialogue with students. Wish it was longer, but ahh well.

The 4th Prime Minister with a 22 year reign

Took Rachel on a tour in the medical museum. Wonder how she felt, seeing models of the human body, preserved fetus specimens...and stuffed rats ;/

I think she was quite intrigued by the models that can be taken apart...

Had ice-cream in uni (no pics!) then went to Mid Valley later on. Lunch (no pics again!) :/ and then in the concourse we saw a big "sunflower garden" (I know its fake but so beautiful! ) :D :D :D

Yep you can guess whose idea it was to take a photo :D

Sat at a coffeehouse(of some sort) for toast and tea. I was wondering mine was so limey until I realised...I ordered lime juice! :P

Haha I love the smiles on out faces :)
(tho mine as usual cacated ;p)

Caught Ice Age 3 as well. Cool movie. A lil predictable, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Pic of the day :)

As Rach put it "we just sat down and it seemed like we just warmed up and then suddenly it was over..."

Wednesday, July 1, 2009



All I can say -Thank You.
All You are, all You've done.
You're the great I am.
The way you sent friends, bros and sizs to comfort and encourage me. always at the right times.
The way the arrangements, OSPE and OSCE today the starting / continuing stations order.
The way Sam would pop out from no where to lend me a short ruler even when he din't know he had( although I din't need to use it).
Divine coincidence?

I know I'm not the best student ever.
But with all I am I try to try.
Studying, practicing etc.
I don't think I can ever compare, but I still strive.
Sometimes knowing I still will make the same mistake.
Even through the tears and frusration.

Exams were not "fabulous".
Neither can I say I did fantastically.
But it was Your peace, that surpasses all understanding.
Your joy, knowing that this is not my game,but Yours.
Your presence, just keeping me going through the serious nervousness and fear.
All these kept the smile on my face.
The genuine laughter not faked.
The smile on my face after exams, not because I had done well.
But because I know You hold my future, whatever it may be.
Your thoughts are not my thoughts, Your ways are not my ways.
As the heavens is higher that the earth, so are Your thoughts above mine.
Your eternal, unfailing love that makes me wonder.

You are my God, there is no other.
The One I love, whom loved me long before I ever was created.
The One who knows me more than I can ever know myself.
Its a quiet love that runs deep within, a sense of thankfulness and one of gratitude as well.
It is You. It is for You. =)

Got a pleasant surprise from mommy Ruby on monday - my very own sunflowers bouquet!
Was overjoyed, couldn't stop smiling every time I thought of it - in the exam hall! haha.
So beautiful everyone thought it was fake to begin with.
Its still standing in my room! =) *hugs*
Mommy you rock!!! =D =D =D