Sunday, December 28, 2008
Christmas 2008 has come and pass...its new year soon. was thinking of a few things...
Shopping malls. My hand phone finally was returned to me on this day, and it cost me RM140. well...I expected. I went to 5 different malls. You know, we Malaysians really have no where to go...except shopping. Parking was crazy, traffic was at a standstill, crowd after crowd thronged the malls... *shakes head in disbelief"
Santa's. Unfortunately, I don't fancy santa's much. they don't really serve any purpose other than promoting the already over commercialized Christmas. Santa giving out balloons, sitting and waiting for easy prey (to pay rm10 to take a photo with him) ...business gimmicks, I say. still...Ho ho ho?
as I was washing hands in the toilet:
"why you go to the gents? " a lady's voice said. ......
a sight that really warmed my heart:
2 young couples, each holding a 1-2 year old daughter in their firm hands down the steps - "one step at a time, careful... " *touching*
Christmas associated pictures...
The new collection to my beloved soft toys empire. Her name is Gingy Park Hye Min. Isn't she just adorable? hehe
Look what I found on the dinning table for breakfast the next morning... *indignant* how could this have happened?!?!
And other Christmas goodies that are just tempting! My favorite is the fruit cake.
Haha! feel my writing skills so cacat-ed after a looong break. back to uni in another 10 days (+-) time! sighs...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
And traffic today was so so so bad. It took 40 minutes too find a parking space (which was empty when we left) and more than 1.5 hrs to get back. so sorry sook >< (she was driving...Manual car somemore) hehe,went to zenmai. food quite nice actually, albeit a lil pricey. have more photos, but the rest with xx. the 2 guys. notice xx had a make over - slimmer, sluttier, sexier. hahaha but he's still the same xx man.
At Zenmai. Tissue also cost 20cents apiece! haha. XX just had to cut my face off. duno how to take photo wan :P its as if he's saying "move over joanne, im the star!~"
In the lift also can camwhore wite :P G7's specialty hehe. camwhore king and queen (on the left and right respectively). my sifu's. (xx la, mainly :P )
Went to watch Transporter 3. My verdict :RM7 can be used in better places. just like yr normal movie on tv. Story is horny, predictable, ok ok only. Bolt is way way better.
Gardens christmas design, cage style. :P group pic. sook cut her hair short! bob hair style rite? looks so young, make me look so old! :P
Picture of the day. I like this photo alot actually. dunno why, this photo is just very very nice. hehe had fun today,minus the lousy traffic and trippings it was an awesome day. :)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Taylors Open day. Went back to Taylors today ,coz bro registered as student. The place seriously a money making machine la :P
The horror. My gosh, they had my pic on display in the SAM exhibition classroom with the caption "not only guys can be good at guitar,girls can be too!" *embarassed*
It was Cultural Fusion where I played my self composed song meant for Malaysian Studies entitled "This is the place".
But seriously, the picture was horrible, MY EXPRESSION CAPTURED WAS *&^#!!! They could have taken a better picture!!! *sobs* I din even think of taking a picture for remembrance, that's how upset I was :o
Memories. Saw buddies from uni, and college. Daniel! Miss that guy la, he din't change also. Poor me still kena bully :P Hehe saw a few lecturers also. Looks dint change (come on Joanne, you expect them to change...? like, plastic surgery...? ) Had a surge of emotions running through my mind. The good memories I had, the friends I made, the hue-ha college life that is never boring...
Seasons. Been reminded that there is a time for everything. Time in a certain place. Time to grow. Time to move etc. We're place in a certain place for a season and then placed elsewhere. How much I have learned to adapt and embrace I am a Uni student, I still deeply miss my college days. It was the best days somehow. Not that uni is bad, (in fact it is not, people here are amazing as well), but deep down, just miss the place where I spent my youthful 18...
Dear Lord, help me make the best of each season as it comes and goes... Help me to look forward to each season as I journet through each one of it...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Owl. Been sleeping late. Its 2.30am already. Need to start sleeping early, this is not good for health (How many times have I told myself that. )
Handphone. Sent for repair ady. According to the Sony Ericsson shop in Pyramid, estimated bill is around Rm150-180~ :( Hope it doesnt cost that much. Seriously.
Skirt. Finally got the skirt I wanted. Nice,BUT... ... ... bro say once look at my leg feel turned off (coz my legs are stumpy) :'( :'( :'( Whats the point of a nice skirt then?
Shadows. A thought struck me - light has no shadows. in other words, light casts out all shadows. How come we still live in shadows?
Online shopping. Haha, been so so obsessed with it. My web browser history is full with all the online blogshops. Even bought a few stuffs :P (like the skirt mentioned above). mental note:stop soon. esp that uni is starting (aiyah, when uni start won't spend hours surfing like this wan)
Family. Living with people, differences definitely prevail. I mean, seriously. One man's love is another man's hate. But I love my family for who they are. Haha. This holidays, just realised that I secretly enjoyed the little things - such as having my dad tie my shoelaces (haha you can laugh) and just watching tv series or news together, exclaiming at certain parts and laughing at others. Father-and-mother(and brothers la)-I-love-you. hehe
The bun at Mac-D's when my bro opened to put his sauce. One of our family outings. Hehe nice kan? Just had to take a photo of it. I love my family :)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Am I...so precious to you?
How can I drift so far, and you still wait patiently...
Why do things that seem so big matter not before you...
When I get angry because of petty things, you never lost your temper on me...
The little surprises and smiles along the way...
I'm counting on you, to carry me through...
This whole journey, each step...
When words fail, when tears cease to fall, grace for the way...
Pardon my selfishness, my thanklessness..
But how can I call myself, so unworthy, yours?
Yet you said I'm the apple of my eye, and used your actions to prove it...
I want my life, my actions, my words to reflect you...
My life to be like a sunflower, bright, catchy (in the right ways ), pointing them to the sun, to the Son...
Wanna be the gift you sent to bless others...
When all else fades my soul will dance, with the love that lasts forever...
Hold my hand...
You will never walk alone...
Point of Grace
Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know
You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And he'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone
The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember where ever you may
Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully
Monday, December 1, 2008
Hints of sadness welled as Agape 08 came and went. Can't describe how I feel, just the usual "its over...and I wasn't involved" kinda feeling. I'm not blaming anyone but myself... Holidays were not all that "free", but because I chose to keep silent I kinda sat out of the whole thing. If I asked I may have (no matter how slim the chance) to at least see and cheer the hard work put in by the rest,especially that the two coordinators are my sisters whom I love to bits. Just kinda felt useless. As in, I'm still that passive person who needs immense pushing...
I'm not sure of the path ahead.I find discipline the one of the hardest things around to do. As in, things like quiet time. I can do so many other "interesting" things. Then, whats the point of saying I have a relationship with that Someone but not spend quality time. But, its my fault, no one else. I don't wanna linger at that "head knowledge" but want it to be more, more than that...
Time and tide waits for no man. True. so true... the Mumbai terror Malaysian victim somehow is "connected" so remotely with my life... my ex tuition teacher's sister in law. And both the kids are studying the same course(different location tho) as me. It just reminds me again to grasp everyday and make the full of it. Can't say I'm doing that now.
On another note...
Coleslaw was successful! hahaha tho shouldnt have put 3/4 of an onion knowing I don't like onions... the dressing is fine, tho not "exotic" in taste. hahaha.garlic bread (bagurettes cut+butter+garlic bread seasoning > steam) for tea! whee~
I think I'm nuts. well , maybe not. Almonds I think. Wait, I wanna be a raisin. Ok, I'll just shut up.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Buttermilk. Wanted to do coleslaw (make the dressing etc), and the ingredients included something called buttermilk. After countless trips to various super,hyper, mega markets, I gave up. I just bought the Kraft coleslaw in the end :/
Escape 2 Afrika. Watched with bro and the bf :) It was funny. Hilarious! :O Funny how love is blind. Guess the breeding program is off ? :P The part I like the most - Friendship. The courage to admit one's mistakes and the ability to love another despite their mistakes. Friends love and stick to each other despite knowing the others mistakes. :)
Handphone. My flip phone is just exasperating. It dies on me oh so often. I can retype a message 3 times because it just switches off by itself. So many times. Even in calls :'(
Contained. Just so so much that is going through my mind right now, not sure why. Retrospective, I guess. Maybe its listening to songs like Sebelum cahaya by Letto. Nice, but oh so emo. Listening to it just brings so much to mind.
Degenerating. I remember sem 2 pharmacy lecturer Dr Ong Chin Eng saying that by 20, the liver starts to degenerate. Sigh. Behavorial Science (Dr Galy) - we spend 1/4 life growing, and the other 3/4 life growing old. I guess its just a matter of perspective. Wanna not let age get in the way. Wanna learn to become wiser, more mature, more responsible, more like Him.
Trust. Learning to trust. The path ahead may be rocky, may be filled with surprises, heartaches, etc... Anf although it looks like a mountain to conquer, I will choose to trust the One who has an undeniable track record. Who carried me through these year...and will till eternity.
In Your arms of love; holding me close, holding me near, in Your arms of love...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Its been a lazy lazy holidays :)
And I'm enjoying the bits and pieces of it :)
Sleeping till 12pm each day (not good,it shouldn't become a habit), lazing around, surfing multiple random websites without worrying that I have notes to complete :P
And finally(few hours ago), getting down to touching books...Fiction! haha i havnt read in ages, my reading speed is like so slow now :P
and of course going out, spending time with people I love and havnt met for months... :)
On another note, Christmas is near :) I love the mall's christmas deco's, they are just so astounding...nutcracker (1U) again perhaps?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Judging by my flooded chatterbox (yes I feel so loved :) thanks people :) ) I kinda feel I'm expected to post something. At least a hint of my results. Although I think judging by the chatterbox, u can deduce that I passed :P
And I can only say, all glory to God above :)
I din't get fantastic results...but what I hoped for was a pass, and yes I got it. On a brighter note, I have the 3 semesters ahead to work harder. well, 2 more, for the pre-matching. But that is another matter altogether.
Guys (Girls also la), thanks for making me smile. The estatic , elated moments was when I could share my joy with all of you, the joy of passing, the prancing around declaring we're seniors; the messages reading "YOU DID IT" and the joyful moment of wordlessness as some just embraced with one simple word "congrats". The deep look that acknowledged that its not by us, but by someone greater. All these are the moments I've come to treasure deeply and love. :)
Love you guys n gurls to the max :)
ps: My brother owes me sunflowers now :P He told me he'll buy me 3 if I pass. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN. Legal age to drive ady =o Have fun, take care of yrself, grow up and not too much...you're too tall already! :O
Little shoutout: Thank You God, for being my strength when I falter, for understanding my wordlessness states and loving me regardless...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
... my wisdom tooth is growing. its kinda sore :( I keep touching it, mum says later kena infected. choi...
... imagine having...your (secondary) teacher as your neighbour. well,not immediate la, but still...now cannot randomly yell any teacher's name and say anything...least it gets to the teacher involved =.= And having the teacher walk up to the house asking for the number of tenaga. =.= and then asking your name sheepishly at the end =.=
...results out in 2 days. well, quite freaky, nerve wrecking. But I refuse to let any negative thoughts creep in. My mind, my results, my life, its all God's. Whatever the results, whatever happens, I will choose to praise God and trust Him. For He know me by name, my name is carved on the back of His palm. I choose to trust Him.
I know You hold my hand in Yours, You will never let me go...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It was Jap day on Tuesday. Haha, self proclaimed la of course. 1st was Sushi King. Green tea, salmon garlic fried rice, sushi's etc. Quite enjoyed myself :)
The dog is just sooooo cute la
Saturday, November 8, 2008
TAG LONG OVERDUE
RULES:1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
2. Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse (Therefore the six people i tag are ah mau, ah kau, athy, ahthu, makan, eat. they don't exist) .These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
Tagged by:: Sooky
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be? take revenge?
:: hahaha. so many of my friends will help me to "do the dirty job". some want his limbs. i vaguely recall one wants his ass.
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
:: hmm there is fantasy and reality so lazy to answer ;p
I'm a sucker for...
:: Flowers, ribbons , soft toys and blue (the colours) although i generally love all colours.
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
:: hmm lets see. ask my parents, pay their debts, set aside money for education (siblings and myself and future kids) and invest. oh, and put in bank, live off bank interest (like its gonna work) lol, a billion, tho alot, will slip away like water. esp now economy is so bad.
5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?
:: dunno. but a question worth thinking about is if we get married not to our best friend, our best friend cant be our best friend anymore... spouse jealous le
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
:: both. to love is to be willing to be hurt, and hoping the no-hurt times surpass the hurt times ;p
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
:: depends. on how much i love him. buahaha
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
:: forget about him. seriously. i can do that in a week (less than that). well, it has happened before ;p
9. Do you think the world would be better off if everyone has the same religion/ethnicity/ etc?
:: I wish, but i dun think so. like ash says(or zia, cant remember who) , people of the same race, colour , food, are together, they will eventually find reasons to "clique" themselves - my eyes are rounder than yours ; i can pout better than u :P i dunno
10. You see a 50 year old man entwine arms with a girl about the age of 20+ and find out they are gf/bf. What are your first thoughts?
:: what the...?? thats my first thought la, naturally. then again, love is blind. i think the girl may be too. lol he can be your DAD!!!
11. How would you see yourself in ten years time.?
:: 29. i dunno. family...kids? hospital, bustling about, teaching juniors (specialist) [ lol joanne fantasise too far, so fast bangga results not yet out...]
Being a medical student... (or any student for that matter)
:: we really kill lots of trees. look at the amount of notes/paper we have. not evironmental friendly man.
13. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
:: Grab a pillow or something, continue sleeping on the bed. then head downstairs, read the new-less papers (true wert... whats news today? )
If today never ends....
:: owh the horror. mundane, dull , routine life with no purpose (well im not yet a medical doctor )
15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
:: wah....how can i be so greedy? lol i think 1 is love 1 is like. see la how :P
16. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
:: I think so. wait, can forgive la, but how can i forget? i dun want any part of my brain to undergo regression, whether its frontal lobe, parietal lobe, temporal or occipital lobe. sorry-lah, parts of brain still stuck in my head mar
One of the most embarrasing things would be...
:: to open my wallet to find i have no money to pay (lol, i think this question came out coz my wallet is beside me, and its open. ...and no, it isn't empty :P :] )
18. If your girlfriend/boyfriend told u that she/he is actually a prince/princess, what will u do.?
:: Fantastic. I can live with it. afterall, sook say I acted like a prime minister during exams [inside joke] (lol sooky)
(sook's answer: Show me the money. made me laugh man).
ok im done :) anyone who wants to do, feel free to do it, can take the place of the 6 non-existant names above :)
ps: leave some comments peoples, chatbox is quiet la
pss: I "updated" the links d. try finding your name :) anyone wanna link can leave a comment here or in the chatbox message :)
Even strongest of feelings
Where today will become tomorrow
I ask myself
What counts then?
The material possession
Which amounts to nothing
when one is sick and old
Politicians, authority, positions
What they are running for
What we crave
Is some recognition
Of who we are
To the ones around us
To the ones who matter to us
To hear their compliments
That one word
Which gives us security
My hope is found in You
In You alone are my rock and my fortress
In You I trust
I never have to be afraid
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Stew-pig facebook uploader. I think the blogger uploader is better. At least can load. The other facebook one takes ages and still doesn't load. Unwanted, unneeded frustration. Grr.
And yes, no wonder shopping malss spend a ortune on adcertistments targetting the young - the malls are patronized by them, to say the least. Without the youngsters, the shoppping business would be not half as profitable.
I think Esther and Chia Sin look absolutely beatiful :)
Signing off, can sleep for an uninterupted time now. :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Like my chatbox tells, its over. OVER. Done. Completed. Finished. Whatever you call it. And now, fists clenched, pacing tersely, prancing anxiously, outings nonchalantly, whatever, however, we wait.
And so we wait.
And some choose to go out.
Like me, 2 days in a row. I think my parents aren't that happy I'm going out so much. Owh well, maybe. The last few months have been study-sleep-eat-study-sleep-mug. Still don't feel enough. But anyway.
But you know, I'm not gonna talk on what has pass. I'm just gonna wait for the results. And all is in God's Hands now. By His grace. Just by His grace.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Just bathed, washed hair AND dried it with the noisy noisy hairdryer. Actually, it was a relieve compared to the studying - which is the only thing done apart from sleep and eating. Just feeling the hot air dry my hair ( I rarely use it anyway), feeling so warm and comfortable. Hehe :) The simple joys =)
Sitting in the library each day... It will all end soon. Tomorrow , I think. Monday study for OSPE. Then it will all be over and done with. Oh wait, still got results...
Thursday today. 3 minutes to Friday. Then, 3 days countdown to EOS 2 , 2008, ME1/08. All the best to Sem 2 people - Medical and Dental. Persevere till the end, no regrets! :) We can do this together =) *hugs* everybody :)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
These few days has been stressful, craazy, with many types of emotions running through all me. The amazing friends who never fail to amaze me with their unselfish spirit, freely offering help even in academic difficulties, friends with hugs and smiles... and words of encouragement...
"They were like giants, and we like grasshoppers in their eyes, and in our own sight."
Setting my eyes on the author and finisher of faith. David vs Goliath, David won. Who are we when we have God by our side? But everyone born of God overcomes the world...I am no exception
"We went into the land which you sent us and it does flow with milk and honey! But the people who live there are powerful and the cities are fortified and very large."
And to this I am asked... "Are you going to move into the land flowing with milk and honey - take the promises and make them yours? Or, are you going to believe the evil report and continue wandering around in the desert -- free from slavery, but missing the Promised Land? Whose report are you going to believe?"
You have called me to walk in victory. Help me to realize when I am listening to Satan's lies, "to the evil report," and not to You.
If I am the only person who believes in Your promises today, give me the courage to believe and walk forward in faith to what You've called me to do.
Just know you're carrying me through each time, I believe...
You were the lone footsteps in the sand,I was on your back...
EOS 12 days away. I can't say I'm prepared.
Stacks of notes sitting beside me. Piles. Clutters. Untidy. Strewn...
So much I don't know. And if not for good friends, so much more I din't realise I don't know. 1 note whole afternoon, with 100+ notes per semester. Less than 2 weeks. Felt choked, half crying feeling, but its choked back. Time's still ticking.
Renal. 3 notes. And yet, 3/4 day gone, just one done. Failure to plan is planning to fail. But it was just heart knowledge.
Discipline. Planning. Tidiness. So much I've got to learn, life's lessons. I don't know how I'm gonna pull through somehow.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
I just have a whole jumble of emotions in me. Fear, frustration, yet I can truly praise God. for the results of summative 2. I walked out of the exam hall feeling bad, but as the Q n A session proceeded...i could only say thank You God. All glory to You and You alone.
These few days have been a struggle. Counted the number of lectures to go, sem 1 has >1oo lecture notes I have to cover. I struggled to study since yesterday, the progress was close to nil. My fb status kept changing to mirror my frustration, and many beloved batchmates, pbl mates,seniors ( - Ailing, thank you for constantly encouraging me!)...and even senior from manchester, Angie - thanks so much dear! , and friends just commented, just encouraged each other. I think I need to not look too far ahead - take things one step at a time.
And I think dental students are amazing. They are studying twice compared to us - ours and their own dental syllabus. Hard core man.
But all said and done, its 2 weeks to the big test - EOS. I shall not even call it the killer paper...I believe my God is bigger than any paper, any challenge that can come my way. I'm learning to take notes 1 note at a time, to not let fear cloud me or eat me up. Not gonna live a life of fear, even tho the voice reminds me of times I've tried before and failed. Ultimately, just to live a life fully surrendered to God.
You're the God of this paper(eos), You're King of these people, You're the Lord of MeDt, You are.
I always loved sunflowers...its beautiful, its bright, it calls me to look up and see the beautiful sky and the sun...
You lead me in to Your courts
Surround me with Your love
I walk with You
I do not fear
In this place
Dreams are made
In this place
Where You are
Carry me here
In Your arms of love
Draw me close to You
I want to be where You are
I want to be where You are
You carry me, You are my strength
I've learnt to trust in You
And once again
I'm reaching out
Friday, October 10, 2008
Due to time constraints,this can only be a short post...
Coincidentally, this kinda marks our one year together :P
You're an amazing guy, friend, listener, encourager, baby... and much more :P I seriously think you're pretty lame at times...but well it comes with the whole package of 'you'...and I kinda asked for it anyway(in my ideal guy,all time favorite column- except I asked for someone "funny" :o)
hehehe, not sure what to write, though our one year,as you said, could have filled many books already. I guess I'll just let memories, let our emotions, and everything to come speak for itself :)
you're officially as old as me! muahahahaHappy birthday "cake" - not edible,of course :P
I love you :)
Dear God, draw this guy whom I love closer to You each day,bless him, enlarge his territory, protect him, guide him always, be with with him and let him stay in Your presence evermore. Thank you God for this love, between him and You, between us, between he and I :)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Deep deep down in my teeny weeny heart, I really really cannot describe what is going on. Can't explain why I close up, even to the people closest to me, the dearests. Can't express how much I feel inside each time I'm reminded of last year, just knowing that I have you to bug each time I'm unhappy, have you to smile at each time I see you, the funny little antiques, drawing of our names on each others hands, the hugs, you. Just you.
Tears are so super duper stubborn, rolling around my eyes, reusing to heed calls to back down. I used to pride myself being ice cold, but I guess I've never been so, and in Eunice's words - You take care of others, but given the chance you rather be taken care of.
I need to mug. I dun wanna be held back, wasting money, wasting time. Hopes and dreams dashed. I need to pull myself together, to tell myself that the dark comes before the dawn, that I musn't lose hope.
And yet, I dun feel I can. Sigh.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I heart mamma mia. such an amazing musical/story. So daring, so crazy, so fun loving.
I'm not sure I would have invited all possible dad's - but I love the end that she gains 3 dad's in the end. My gosh! I had so huge reaction during many of the scenes that I'm glad in wasnt in the cinema, and ,my feet were pattering, I was close to song. I love music :) :) :)
Wall E's not bad either. "Get ready to have some kids!" "define earth. define sea. define dancing"..... Farnie la.
But my personal favourite is still Mamma Mia :) it rawks :) :) :)
Friday, October 3, 2008
I'm in med school. Reality.
I'm sinking. Mentality.
I havn't enough time. Fatality?
I have only myself to blame. I dun feel like a med student. Dun even feel like a student :(
Leeettttlllleeee brain of mmmiiiinnneee, won't you rise and shhhhiiiinnnneeee, soak up all the stuff nowwww, I'll give u a break at year end..... :'(
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I don't know how to go on anymore. Nothing I've studied so far seems to stick. I feel my head is like an empty coconut shell. :(
I know challenges are inevitables, sometimes even rifts. I just wish it were easier.
I dun noe what to think. Just feeling downrite empty, hollow, emo.
Emo, Eno, Emo :'( :'( :'(
Monday, September 22, 2008
Just watching the hustle and bustle around me... the lovebirds, more than that, the "library gangs".... brings back alot of memories so dear , so treasured...
saw 2 "big brothers" taking care of a "lil siz" (a year younger only), trying their best to make her feel better and all. Going out of their way to care. Can't help but feel wistful at the closeness they share, the intimacy, the unconditional love, the care.
I so so miss my dearest friends who used to rough it out with me, the meal times, pinch me even and kutuk and kacau me, lend me a shoulder to lie on when I'm tired (even literally), and the tons of stories we shared, the emotional rides at times, frustration, tears , embarrassment, the growing up... the misunderstandings even. Miss the times of heart to heart talks, the no-barriers, the no formalities. I miss it all.I know change is the only thing constant, but somehow I still find it too hard to come to terms with. :'(
When I get married, I want sunflowers instead of roses -sunflowers are big, yellow and bright, and they remind us to always look towards the sun,just like they do!
(popped out last week on a random occasion)
Right now, the biggest desire in my heart is to be able to pass semester two EOS safely, and proceed to semester 3. *heaves a loooooonnnngggg sigh*
Signing out. The notes are beastly :'(
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sitting in the library, blogging instead of studying. A million and one thoughts running through my mind.
I know I need to be more than this. But...
Standing alone, stiffling the hiccups that come between sobs... Even so many people thought I was "emo". How ironic.
Sometimes I wistfully wonder if life could be any different. Super brain, model attitude, happy go lucky, pure and innocent heart. I wish
If I could get tomorrows newspaper today. What would I do. Would I do it to benefit myself, or others. Would I go out of my way for others.
And the bz-ness doesnt help. Plus sickness, terrible cough and runny nose, fatique. Seriously hope its not a reoccuring sickness that was lying dormant.
Hospital visit, saw the extremeties. Birth, sickness, death. Saw the bathing of a deceased old man. Frail, skin and bones. Bodies in mortuary. Accident cases, HIV biohazards, etc. Life ends in a box?
The little babies under UV light, jaundice babies. From outside, saw a caesarian of an expecting mum. The joy later. (and the heartache a child brings along, too). chance to hold a baby, less than 10 hours old. Small, less than 2kg. The amazement, the fragility of a life. Much ahead for that little fellow.
Studies. Struggles. less than a note a day. I don't wanna go on anymore. Sniff. I know nothing is easy. Still. Reclusing seems what I'm doing. Sink into own blackhole.
Miss the warmth, the hugs, the presence. The reassurance, real reassurance that its gonna be ok. Feel so so far away. Miss the smile , the cargo pants, the same-colour-shirt days. Miss the hand running through my hair, the arms around my neck. The times spent. Baking, cooking, hang-kaing. The antiques that can send ripples of giggles , burst of laughter.
Its gonna be just a day right? These feelings are gonna go away right? Keep ploding on, one step, another, and another
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I shall hereby grant you the joy...and pain...of reading the following message. warning: not for the fainthearted. (that was random)
Even as I write this, my uncle is downstairs sweeping my porch. I'm not sure what more to say. I don't not do housework...its jut that I find my time is limited. 5 weeks to summatives, 7 to EOS. Practically all sem 1 and 2 stuff to cover in such a short amount of time.
I don't mean to complain. Its just that at times, I feel like I'm really really sagging under the weight...I woudn't want to waste RM6ok. That would have been enough to hire 5 maids at least for the year. I'm worried. About my studies. And yet, I still try to chip in a lil here and there around the house.
Stumbling back home after my friend kindly dropped me off, each step was so painful to take. The uneven road added to the misery of a teenager, carrying a huge back and loads of notes and book. The sun shone so brightly on a day when the chosen clothing for the day was black. How wonderful.
To bless and be blessed. I believe many of us think we wanna/could do more. Maybe, if the world had more than 24 hours a day. And yet, and yet, nothing we can do to change thatfact. And time management is still the essence.
Sometimes I wonder if life can be much less complicated than this. It would make many happy. Simple joys suffice rather than elaborate, unsatisfactory lavish lifestyles/gifts/etc. But still, evolving along with the world is necessary. Woudn't want to get left wayyy too far behind, no?
And again reminded that we makes plans, but many times, do not have the final say. Reminded that as the heavens are higher than the earth, so is His thoughts higher than mine, or all of ours could ever be.
I'm glad I know the One who holds my future amidst these, and more uncertainties. Relieved that no matter how far I run, I can never be too far to turn back. No matter how much I give, I can never outgive the creator, the One who holds it all.
And as the curtains slowly draw towards the centre, and the music dies off, the sole actor stands on the stage, facing his audience. And the audience consists of but one, One who is smiling, clapping his hands and having the proud dad look in his eyes. To realise that all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, all was worth it for that one person who sat through the play and never left.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Happy for the weirdest reasons on earth. I finally got my name tag holder again! :) :) :) after 1 month (roughly that i went around with no name tag AND my name tag now is bent :( , and I even dropped my name tag in the library , the next day it was pasted at the glass door with face upfront, like some wanted person, embarassnya!!! :S :S :S HAHAHA but then din want to but from IMU, freakin 3.50 for the piece of synthetic!!!
went to my hometown, got a bookshop just open not too(i dunno when oso :O) long ago. just coz see like not so much business, pity him. ;p haha, random! coz d last time i went, binding was rm1, compared to photocopy shop, 1.80. cut throat imu! haiz
but yes, i got my name tag now :) :) :) no more feeling of something's-missing-emptiness ;p
Little joys :) :) :)
Thank You God
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Random stuffs. Still not sure what to think of my new layout.
Hmm, last few weeks was (a lil) hectic. Think its gonna be like that for the rest of the semester. I so so need to study >< Past weeks consisted of first aid training + test (it was hard ok), depression...and darts. Last minute "substituting" Sabrina (coz she still played in the end and also it did not seem that I was a sub but a real (one of the) main players. After not playing for like, a few months. You know what, I enjoyed it nevertheless. I realised that I needed to focus and the stress(a lil) to peform. Owh, and Sandip is a seriously awesome coach + friend.
Haha but seriously musing. I realised that God hears me, and He remembers what I pray, even my innermost thoughts. Even when I forget. Thats how great , awesome, mighty and powerful my God is. And yet He came down for us, and loves us as His own.:')
for the people down under...
XX hey hey hot chick you you how're you doing down under? KARAM You're not stupid k, smartest fella who needs pushing now and then... CHICK Hope Tas is not boring you out, must remember to study, give your best in all you do! (including the other stuffs) RACH You're a youth, you have hope, coz hope resides in you :) Continue to rock on siz : o NICHOLAS CHEW I know their gonna say our love's not strong enough to last forever; and I know their gonna say that we'll give up because of any weather ; but how can they understand, that this love is just heaven sent; we keep on going on and on, coz this is where we both belong....
(not sure if you all read, but its ok :D)
You all(and the rest who I din't mention as well) rock wei :) Make my life beautiful with the little things that you all do in life, makes each day extra special :)
Friday, September 5, 2008
Yep, a new skin.
All made possible coz of Sook Cheng. You're awesome la! Thank you so much.
The provious skin was removed from web hosting I think. The result? blog practically useless(cudnt see a thing).
So... comments appreciated (comment box, chatterbox etc). thank you for dropping by :)
ps: I know there are kinks that sometimes certain things dun load. All I can ask is just refresh your browser. Thanks :)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Sniffles won't dampen your day, coz I know you're stronger than that. Notes, Eos, stuffs, business...It won't crush you, coz when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. :o Yes, you're much much stronger than those. :) Hope you are encouraged :)
Hugz & lots of love,
Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry
For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us cant be broken
I will be here don't you cry
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Why cant they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they cant explain
I know were different but deep inside us
Were not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Don't listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
They'll see in time, I know
When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
They'll see in time, I know
Well show them together cuz...
You'll be in my heart
I believe, you'll be in my heart
Ill be there from this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart always
I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always
Friday, August 22, 2008
Amazing sisters and brothers each day, encouraging me, catching their passion, flame, fervour for life, for others... choosing to respond positvely ; not react. Sabrina "you steal christian people's book I pray for you! Pray that God will bless you, touch your life! Padan muka steal christian people's book!" Lost and Found, lets Celebrate! :-0 Christy Never failing encouragement and time, hearing me out, sharing and walking with me in life...notes+lunches+conversations =] Eunice Amazing sister, amazing heart for God, burden for others... See work Divine done in you each day, strong foundation strong heart new generation anointed birthed... Angeline thanks for the immense blessing in our short period of friendship and sisterhood...encouragement+sharing cg+blessings you're an amazing sister you'll do well in Manchester Uni, I know God goes with you, goes before you... :) Friends Sook, CS and others lame jokes+food+notes=D 3 musketeers Nicholas baby my deawie awwshum :') thanks for being my shining bright star :] you'll forever be my baby...
And many more...
I am blessed...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend’s house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian’s essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. ‘I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,’ Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son’s vision of life after death. ‘I’m happy for Brian. I know he’s in heaven. I know I’ll see him.’
Brian’s Essay: The Room…
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read ‘Girls I have liked.’ I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named ‘Friends’ was next to one marked ‘Friends I have betrayed.’ The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird ‘Books I Have Read,’ ‘Lies I Have Told,’ ‘Comfort I have Given,’ ‘Jokes I Have Laughed at .’ Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: ‘Things I’ve yelled at my brothers.’ Others I couldn’t laugh at: ‘Things I Have Done in My Anger’, ‘Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.’ I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked ‘TV Shows I have watched’, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked ‘Lustful Thoughts,’ I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.
I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!’ In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.. The title bore ‘People I Have Shared the Gospel With.’ The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.
He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. ‘No!’ I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was ‘No, no,’ as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, ‘It is finished.’ I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.’-John 3:16. ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ‘-Phil. 4:13. If you feel the same way, forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also. My ‘People I shared the gospel with’ file just got bigger, how about yours?
Was web/blog browsing tonight...(this is from taylor's cf pj http://taylorscf.blogspot.com/ )came across this ever so touching, so challenging article. I can't say I felt entirely comfortable reading it, reflecting myself, my life. And yet there is grace. Grace. Grace so amazing, it covers me. Grace so unbelievable ,it humbles me. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound ; that saved a wretch like me ; I once was lost , but now am found, was blind,but now I see. No, unlike what my mom commented when she heard me humming the song, it is NOT a funeral song. It is a song that speaks of live, of grace, of Life, and Life Eternal by Jesus alone.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I will always be right here, Wiping away your tears;
I'm here to give a hug,*hugz
Then followed by a smuck *muax
I love to see my baby's smile
Above many things I'd do in life, it's just the most worthwhile
I put my arms around and hold my baby close
Any girl I'd rather be with? I love my baby the most
Studying medicine in IMU, I know that's kinda hard
But I known my baby for so long, she's just so strong and smart
Who say? who say? baby asked, I added she's even good at art
Even though we're far apart, I'll be always in your heart
Nick Chew, 8/8/08. Posted with permission
moments to treasure, moments where I wish times could stop...