Friday, May 30, 2008

Growing up?

This is gonna be an emo post. You have been warned.

Went to the bank just now to close my "kiddie" account (valid up to 18 years old, and I am wayyyyy past that ) and to open a new "adult" account. won't go into the details... but to me I would describe it as messy. The amount of personal details they need ... even where I study ,the location and my student ID they took to photostate. Not just filling in forms, its filling dunno so many mafan stuffs. Seriously. My first taste of growing up? Yeah , my dad was there. I could do it alone, but I have a feeling i would seem very dumb and possibly be kicked around / fooled by unknown people. The setting was just...beastly. Sorry no offence for those who are / aspire to work in a bank, but the place to me is just horrid. I'm happy with the hospital. I guess.

Or am I not? As in, ready. Am I ready to face the challenges ahead? Watching the semester 5 collecting their pms (partner medical school) matching results, watching the various reactions - I am reminded that I day I will have to go through that day....that is assuming I pass all my End Of Semester (EOS) exams. The major 1, EOS 2 is in November. And this is the 1 with very high failure rate. Last year 40+, this year 49. So my batch...? I don't wanna be one of the casualties. :(

And all of a sudden, I don't feel ready. The idea of residing in a foreign land - even for study seems too big, too freaky, too foreign to me at the moment. I dunno. I feel...I feel inadequate. I feel small. I feel so grossly unprepared. I feel not ready. I dunno if I can survive...can I?

Ok, talking about reality. Now. I just feel, not ready. Even for summative 1 ,in approximately 20 days. There is lot to study, and whe I study, seems like nothing is entering my head. I enjoy(to a certain extent), but still...I dunno. Maybe I'm pms-ing now. But shouldn't be. Long time more, not now. Wrong timing. I just feel so tired. Mentally. A lil frusrated maybe. And some dissapointment. I know I'm not a genius. I din't even make it to MENSA. I know that even if JPA gave scholarships to 45% non bumi's in my year (compared to the past 10% for non bumi's in my year till last year), my results still would not qualify. I'm not, never have been, the creme la creme. The only reason I'm in IMU now is coz of grace.

Maybe, just maybe....

A single bank trip lead to this cascade of thoughts, feelings. Long overdue, perhaps. At times I feel like I'm standing in the midst of the ocean, with waves crashing over me, the waves washing' coming' washing... And even when there is no waves, the cold air stings the face, as if taunting the unprepared and vulnerable + fragile heart...

I feel numb. Or do I not?

I'm not sure how to give an appropriate conclusion. I really don't. Wait and see? Maybe I will. Wait and see.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

during pbl (18 sx)

those who are below 18, pls click the "X" on the top right corner now.
but if you did not... ;p

you have been warned =]

random quotes during pbl:

men bald in front think alot,
men bald behind (supposedly) are sexy,
men totally bald think they are sexy.

girls giggle then their hips wiggle.

don't you find it funny that:
when you ask a standard 6 boy (12 years old) whether they have a girlfriend they go:
"ewwwww!!!! yuck!!!! gross!!!!! never!!! .....!" then sticks out their tongue and runs away


when you ask them the same question when they are 16, form 3, they go:
"wooo....yeahhhhh mannnnnnn......................." *eyes brighten up (or nonchalantly, whateva, like its a norm kinda thing)


mammals, eg chimpanzees have period/mestruation too, you know?

which animal(mammal) has a bone in the penis?
answer: a whale.

answer: coz they are always under water for long periods , so water pressure is high....and so vasodilation cannot occur, and erection cannot occur.
(no erection = no reproduction = no baby's = no celebration during mother /father's day = sad for whole life...? ) ;p

How mysterious is nature, how much we know not...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wise thoughts/SAYINGS

Written by Andy Rooney , a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned. ... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Look into YOUR eyes I'll say...."more than anything, I love you...more than anything"

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I need to focus

No,seriously,I need to refocus. Exams are here, and all I do is daydream, stare into space, walk around as if there is nothing in the world I'm supposed to do,when there is lots...

A friend's msn personal message caught my eye-
-deviation is the first step to destruction-

True? No? YOU decide.

Study pple Study


For those who are sitting for exams soon.... (you shouln't be on-9ing so much by the way ;p)'s an encouragement for you =) Something I personally love :]

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break;
He restores my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake.
Yea, tho' I walk through the valley of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown;For Thou art with me;
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me the answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding,
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of examinations;
And I shall not have to dwell in this university(college, school...) forever!

You can do it :]

Saturday, May 17, 2008


A geek's A-L: Let's hope studying doesn't make us like this:
or like this:

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

More flowers

People say Mother's day is over commercialized - maybe its true. We need no special day to tell our mother's (or fathers, or anyone else in fact) that we love and care for them.

Nevertheless, we still bought flowers for mother's day =)
Carnations and a rose. Different angles

Can you tell they were "merged"? =)

But I learned something - that as long as we are safe and sound, we are obedient to our mothers and show that we love them and care for them - then everyday is mother's day, more than the once-a-year gesture.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

...Food for thought?

I'm sorry I cant give you a better view of the is already put as large (max) on "upload images"...
Disclaimer: the author neither supports nor condones whatever is implied, or as imagined by readers, and therefore does not accept any responsibility for any implications or consequences,be it direct or indirect.

Monday, May 5, 2008

About colourful and "cute" things

Yes...about colourful and cute with you? =)

Went shopping in last month, and guess what I saw on the racks? To celebrate mother's day and teacher's day,the racks were full of all these colourful, softtoys, makeshift stuffs, synthesized items etc... and as i had only enough to window shop, i did. =) And I throughly enjoyed it.
First up were the flowers. Oh wait, "flowers". Always been a common yet beautiful gift...what more that now it is going to be "eternal" and "everlasting"?
But it's beautiful,honestly. I like it :]
Hand made(factory made,I'm sorry) small green flowers
The roses I put in a cup...see I so creative right? (haha I know i a lil syiok sendiri)
Roses - red,pink and yellow
More pink roses
Smiley face flower - beautiful =)
With multi coloured heart shaped petals...awesome :]
...Sleeping flowers?
And the picture I set as my backdrop:
Now comes the not-so-everlasting flowers...but just as beautiful,if not more. You know, a pot of real flowers cost RM9.90. And with deoration as below,it becomes RM16.90. I'll say buy the pot of flowers and do your own wrapping - or grow your own. :]
But to be entirely honest, the "eternal" flowers are beautiful...but it can NEVER compare with REAL flowers...Just a few days before,I stepped foot into a florist. The long stemmed red roses caught my attention. Call me stupid, as "flowers fade", we all know...but the explicit beauty of nature that no one can match or even come close to recreating is always a girl's gream...including mine.One day.... *wistful feeling
Then came the "micillandous" stuffs:
This one random - I just liked the design,actually from the bottom part of a card...
The came the "soft toys" and co. First up - Russ bear. Delicate - and costs alot.
The came the racks and racks of bears and dogs and all the soft toys I wish to own...but never can. Where to store them? And most of all,WHO will pay? (Coz I know I won't...not worth it la ;p)
Awwwww awesome right?me likey :]
And more...
The last of the lot...?
Technically,not "soft",and not "toys". But those who know me well enough know I am obsessed with adorable bears and likes... which explains the picture below. XD
I am a lil appalled by the way "youngsters" dress nowadays... its not like the shopping mall is a ball or something...(I wanted to take a pic of the other gurl more sexily dressed,but did not want to intrude on their privacy). Low cut,short skirts(the other one,hidden) it necassary?

Ideas for gifts: A notepad and a beautifully tied ribbon:
Made me think of someone(scribbles) when I saw this. I wish I knew how to do this...(DIY)...At least where to get the materials...
And before I forget....
To someone special...
My mom...
Mum,this one is for you(if you're reading this):
a lil "appeciation stone"?
For you,mom. Happy Mother's day in advance.