It was still not easy for me to come to terms with the rejected offer from IMU. Countless times I found myself staring into space, absent mindedly doing something,thoughts wandering back to the same issue... There was disappointment, and many times the battle went on, the battle to believe and trust God that He has better plans for me.
All who knew told me the same thing : All things will work out for good... God has better plans... But the truth is, accepting it is really hard sometimes, especially when you can't see what is ahead, and you think you have it all under control. Yep, I asked, I struggled, I cried out to God, told Him that above my will, Your will be done. I guess this is my year end challenge... To give up what is dearest to me and trust that something better will God do... I told God: My dream is to be a doctor, but if that is not Your will, let Your will be done. I know, to give up my biggest dream is like, wow...
I was reminded of Abraham, whom God asked to sacrifice his son. Isaac must have been one of his most prized possessions, and I believe that he agonized, suffered...But he gave his son anyway (before God stopped him, that is). Joseph and Job were examples of men whom God took away everything, dumped in strange and unknown places, both suffered... But the common factor in these 3 men's lives was that What happened later was even better than before, greater than the beginning...One became the "Father of all nations", the other two God blessed many many times more than what they already had(and lost). Family, health, wealth, position, power... I asked myself, can I give up this "big" plan of mine...for something better? Some had a choice( like Abraham), some did not (Joseph and Job). Mine is more like the 2nd, and much as I hate to admit it, I know that if I did have the choice, I would have taken it even if I knew it wasn't His will. Thats how imperfect I am. And I guess, thats why God did what He did.
And really, I've got so many things to thank God for...my constant encourager and best friend, the one who is always going the extra mile for me, the one who could detect even the slightest hint of "hey something is not right" just through my message... The one who so patiently and lovingly reassured me that everything is gonna be alright, and reassured me of God's unchanging love and his own... I thank God for the special someone He gave me that always managed to create a smile through all the tears...And just as I feel that my world "came crashing down" (a little exaggeration, not so teruk of course), I am reminded that there are people who are different, who care about the little things happening in my life, just like I do in others, who are not willing that a single incident affect me to the extent of losing my drive and will in life...
I know God will never leave me nor forsake me. After all, I am His. I am his child. And I am constantly reminded that God wants only the best for me, just like any parent to a child. And I have "a hope and a future,plans to prosper me and not to harm me"... And just like the song (lyrics) below, which God so graciously gave to me by divine appointment, He told me that when I don't understand, and I don't see His plan, and I can't trace His hand, trust His heart....and this is my promise God, I WILL.
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
And you don't see His plan
And you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart