Saturday, September 1, 2007


I'm not sure what to say, just sad,mad ,angry,annoyed, irritated, frustrated,anxious, worried and everything together in a all-in-1 package. For the umpteenth time I ask myself - why did I take SAM?

Was in maths tuition teacher's care when she talked bout moderation, how her students did well and all. Apparently if you're not ranked in your teacher's top 30%, your moderation will be very slight, while if you're at the bottom, your results are...practically...goners. I think some of my subjects I may be at the lar wei? My maths, my chemistry, even my physics my English and biology! I am seriously not sure what kind of a TER i'm gonna get. My parents tell me its a pure waste(sending me to Taylors) if I don't get into medic school, and mum says I might as well go form 6 and whatever results I get I go and apply for public local university. Guess the question boils back again to I not worth it? When I ponder, seriously, I feel my heart plunge. Into...a bottomless pit? Not because I compare with my other more well to do friends, but I wonder how much my life is worth( especially to my parents), how I never seem to be able to please them( let me specify here,its MY fault, not theirs), and ultimately, what I will become.

I'm sorry if you're reading this, because you have the option of getting out of this anytime,because this is, after all, the place I am (partially as I don't write everything) honest. No lies. Hold back quite a bit,but what I write is what I feel. I know I am neither born smart ( or else I won't be agonizing over my studies a lot of the time), nor hardworking, and I seriously am reaching my edge...I feel as if I'm standing on the cliff.

Don't know what to believe, don't know if I'll be ready come trials (even CT4 maths). I'm really struggling, between studies and giving up on stuff I really appreciate and love and more...

And God I'm crying out again,help me. Don't wanna sink further into this desperation and depression. You said trust You. I'm trying. Please do. Cause if You can't, no one can.

No comments: