I found it hard to spend time alone. Really hard.
Every little thing reminded me of you. How u used to carry my books. Just sitting with you.
Lunch. Rather, no lunch. I couldn't eat. Talking to my junior/ friend. It just came out, uncontrolled. Scared him, I think.
Studies. Images of memories would come prancing by. Times together.
Studies. Highlighting. I couldn't bear to even highlight the word attached. (its so stupid tho).
Drawing grass. I couldn't continue. I used to draw the sun, flowers, rivers, mountains and fish with you.
As a result, I had to hide in my sweater as I had no tissue. In the middle of auditorium.
2nd lecture. It was the same. In the end, I just had to sleep. to prevent further mess.
But don't mind me. Its just my way of coping. I hope you are doing much much better than me.
And I'm truly fortunate, blessed, to have amazing friends like my group sexiest. especially to those who could read panic cries in my messages. drive all the way to my house to pick me up, keep me from being alone. reminding me you guys love me for who I am. Eldwin. daddy. talk to me bout anything just to distract me. to keep me company. Tej. grandad (lol). Seeing me through. Just caring. hearing my story. encouraging me. The gentle hugs. reminding me I've got u guys. Dhina. being the bro that you were since 5 or more yrs ago. listening to my crap and cries. giving me the best advice a bro could give. supporting me. loving me. caring for me. Chee Kin. Just happening to be there. just listening. being there. walking me accross the road. Rakib. the care. the concern. all of you. Dai and all the rest. Thank you coz it really meant so so much to me. Honestly.
And those who finish my near untouched dinner. Rakib. Bryan. coz got no appetite the whole day. my stomach is a lil empty now, honestly. But got no mood to eat. food is just...food. even if it were my fav, even if it was a feast with my fav foods. thanks sook for the blueberry bun today. saved me from gastric. ate for the sake of eating. the bun din taste as nice as i remembered it to be. for keeping me company. trying to make me laugh. distracting me. putting silly photos of the rest so that I can at least shake my head and laugh. haha. sook. amazing sooky. tho later not really eating my dinner din help. gosh, im messing with my health la.
I think my eyes are nearly normal. Except that my dark eye bags really give me away. and make up woudn't help :/ ( not that I make up )
And tomorrow will be another day. One day at a time. I'm not gonna rush. Just take some time out. Recharge? rest. find myself. I hope.
and you'll always be amazing. always. remember that ok. anyone would be tremendously blessed to have you. I'm sorry it had to be me. Honestly sorry it had to end up like this. But like you said. We lost nothing. I guess that's a comfort.